Live in Living Color

Beautiful People: Discovering Emma (and Travis) Part Neuf!

2012-02-26T11:26:00.000-08:00

1) If he/ she could be played by an actor, who would it be? Emma: Since she's a dancer, I'd cast her as Melanie Moore, not an actress, and her hair would have to be dyed, but she's such an incredible dancer I couldn't not choose her. Travis: Since the character was based after him, Travis Wall! He's done choreography for Melanie before, so I know they'll work well together.
2) Does your character have a specific theme song? Emma: Brave by Idina Menzel. Travis: Fix You by Coldplay.
3) What is his/her worst childhood memory? Emma: When her Uncle Ben died. Travis: When he broke his ankle in third grade and couldn't go on the dance tour to Europe that he'd been so excited about.
4) If your character had a superpower, what would it be? Emma: Invisibility. Travis: Strength or flight.
5) If your character crashed on an island with a bunch of other people, how would he/she help the group survive? Emma: She would take care of their wounds and help them find suitable food. Travis: He'd step up to a leadership position and try to organize an escape plan.
6) Is he/she married? If not, does he/she someday wish to be? Emma: No, and it's not a priority to her, but she would like to. Travis: No, and he would definitely like to so Heidi could have a mother.
7) What is a cause that he/she would die for? Both: Heidi and each other.
8) Would he/she rather die fighting valiantly, or quietly at home? Emma: Quietly. Travis: Fighting.
9) If someone walked up to him/her and told him/her that he/she was the child of the prophecy, would he/she believe them? Both: Since this is a realistic book, no.
10) Does he/she prefer the country or the city? Both: The city.

Beautiful People: Discovering Emma (and Travis) Part Huit!

2012-02-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

I am a bit behind but I will try to catch up I promise!

1) If your character's house burned down, and he/she was left with nothing but the clothes on his/her back, what would he/she do? Where would he/she go? Emma: She basically went through an I-have-nothing-and-nowhere-to-go situation when she left home after she graduated. She'd gravitate to her best friend, Mandie. Travis: He has wealthy family to support him so he'd probably just shake it off and move back with his parents.
2) Is he/she happy with where he/she is in his/her life, or would he/she like to move on? Emma: She definitely views this time - the nanny job, staying with Travis, etc. - as more of a transition phase in her life. She would much rather move on and get a job as a dancer. Travis: He's certainly content with where he is in his job, with his friends, and with his life. But he can't help but feel that he's missing something and he can't quite seem to pinpoint just what it is.
3) Is he/she well-paid? Emma: Yes, the family she works for is rich and pays her well, but she uses a lot of her money to pay for food, rent, and transportation in the city. Travis: Very much so.
4) Can he/she read? Both: Yes.
5) What languages does he/she speak? Emma: English and French. Travis: English, French, Spanish, and some Latin.
6) What is his/her biggest mistake? Emma: The unforgiving attitude she has toward her father, and the resentment she has toward her mother and sister for holding her back. Travis: Late in the book when he withholds certain information from Emma.
7) What did he/she play with most as a child? Emma: Not with things as much as imaginary friends and places. Travis: His blue and gold striped kite.
8) What are his/her thoughts on politics? Emma: She doesn't really follow them that much except during presidential elections. Travis: They aren't a big deal to him, but he stands obviously on one side of every political issue and has strong opinions.
9) What is his/her expected life time? Both: 80-ish years.
10) If he/she was falsely accused of murder, what would he/she do? How would he/she react? Emma: She'd see it as an outrage. She'd call, Travis, Mandie, and the family she nannies for and seek their support. Travis: He would defend himself, but keep his cool and trust his lawyer.

The One That Nobody Seems To Like

2012-02-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or does everyone seem to hate Valentine's Day? And it's not just the single people. It's a vast majority of those I know. I've never hated the holiday. But I don't exactly like to entertain the idea of International Love Day. That's really all it is: a day, invented so the February would have something interesting, for mushy high school couples and and excuse to eat out and a reminder to all the single people just how single they really are. It's a day to celebrate love.

But why can't we just show love every day?

I've been single my whole life and I'm totally fine with that. If Papa doesn't want me to have a guy then I don't want me to have a guy. It's Papa's job to pick him out. I don't trust myself enough to do that.

It actually bothers me to see how many girls my age are obsessed with the idea of having a man. Being in a relationship. Being someone's other half. I honestly don't see the appeal. If you've got your whole life ahead of you, why would you want to get tied down so quickly? Get an education. See the world. Go on adventures. Then once you hit the age when you're ready to marry you can start checking out your options.

I really don't see the benefits of dating before you're ready to get married. The whole point of dating is to get to know the one you plan on spending your whole life with. If you can't see starting a life, raising a family, living forever with someone, why do you even bother giving your heart away? All that's going to come out of it is pain. For both of you.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that no one who dates in high school ever gets married to each other. It actually does happen sometimes. But to see these junior high and high school girls obsessed with love or their boyfriend or just the idea of being with somebody bothers me. A lot.

But I'll stop myself before I go too far.

I've made a pact with two of my best friends, Mel and Andrea, that we're not going to date in high school. That we're going to stay pure. That we're going to guard our hearts and keep each other accountable so no one gets hurt. Andrea already has a potential man, and Mel and I are so very excited for her. But The Fellowship of the Ring Pact was made so that we can spend these years focusing on Papa and what He wants us to do with our lives. That's why I'm letting Him choose my man for me.

I have extremely high standards. I demand respect. I refuse to be treated like an object. I expect adventures. If we're talking in terms of a ship (a thing I've become rather obsessed recently)*, he's allowed access to the helm, and I actually expect him to guide me through storms. But if I ever get to the point where I think he's become my anchor and I am no longer free to pursue my passions and goals and callings, then he is obviously not the one for me.

And that's the power of a metaphor.

I hope your love day was beautiful. I hope you got candy and/or flowers. I hope someone told you they love you. I hope you told them back. And I especially hope that even in your season of singleness you choose to pursue the Designer and what He has planned for you. I promise that He will eventually let the right man step aboard.

*I've been considering writing a post about ships and pirates and adventures. Would you read it if I did?

Overall

2012-01-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

Everyone is doing this, so I thought for once I'd hop on the bandwagon and reflect on all the fabulous things I got to do during 2011. Gosh, I remember it like it was yesterday.

I couldn't resist.

And thanks to facebook's new timeline layout for helping remember all of my adventures.

In 2011, I dyed my hair red for the first time. It didn't exactly turn out as drastic as I was going for, but it was still a lot of fun :)

In 2011, I attended a pro-life rally and solidified one of my life goals. Something Papa has called me to do is to open a home for pregnant teenage girls. Last January I got to speak about my dream in a video for a pro-life rally we did, and I was reminded of how excited I am for the chance to open the house.

In 2011, I got my permit. I'm technically supposed to get my license in a few weeks, but I doubt that will happen. I'll keep you updated.

In 2011, I went my church's annual purity banquet. We ate, we danced, we laughed a lot. A fabulous time was had by all.

In 2011, I made the Fellowship of the Ring Pact with my best friends Mel and Andrea. Basically we decided we aren't dating in high school and we are going to keep each other accountable when it comes to guys.

In 2011, I attended my church's annual youth retreat. Papa spoke to me so much during that weekend in the mountains.

In 2011, I starred as a serial killer in a one act called A Play With Words. I met some hilarious, gorgeous, awesome people who I am so happy to say I still know.

In 2011, I helped to host a Back to the Future Dance Party. We threw it to raise money for our missions trip and it was ridiculously awesome.

In 2011, I took over the role of my club's president. It's a community service club and a lot of work, but oh so very rewarding.

In 2011, I went on my first missions trip. We went to Cambodia and I can say that it was the most spectacular adventure. It's when Papa first told me He wants me to move to Thailand. And though I was hesitant when He told me, I know cannot wait to do so.

In 2011, I finished my novel. Uritus and the Sword of Fire took me a good three years to complete and I am so very proud that I did.

In 2011, I turned sixteen. And I also threw a crazy-awesome dance party to celebrate said momentous occasion.

In 2011, I stepped out of my box and auditioned for a play called One Night's Dream. And upon being cast in the show, my life would never be the same again.

In 2011, I began my junior year of high school. Stress, exhaustion, and mental breakdowns would be the result.

In 2011, I got my first job at Chick-fil-A. And I've made some pretty awesome friends because of it.

In 2011, I got to meet one of my favorite musicians. We have a mutual friend in common which made it much easier to show up at his house and go into his basement.

Overall, I think it's fair to say that 2011 was a grand success. I made some memories, I made some friends, I made some life choices that are going to make 2012 a very eventful year.

2011 was a success. Here's to hoping that 2012 is even more so.

I'll depart with the first picture of the new year.

Adventure

2011-12-31T11:57:00.000-08:00

I think, of my three life themes, this one is my favorite. Courage is the most prominent, and freedom is the one most striven for, but adventure is the most fun. And I am going to tell you why.

I don't really have a definition for adventure. Mostly because adventure can be a wide array of things. The dictionary says an adventure is, "An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity." And I absolutely *adore* that definition. I think adventures like to disguise themselves in ordinary, everyday situations, just so that they can pop out of nowhere and surprise you when you least expect it.

I think anything can be an adventure, if you want it to be.

From road trips to five hour shifts at work, from exploring a castle hidden in the mountains to caroling. Whether you are on your own, with your partner in crime, or a group of fifty, whether you get lost or injured or arrested, adventure is anything and everything you want it to be. And I think that's why I love it oh so very much.

I also *adore* the list of synonyms that the dictionary chose for adventure. Venture. Hazard. Risk. And my all-time favorite:

Dare.

I can honestly say that I never before put the words adventure and dare in relation to one another. But the very sound of it gives me chills. The very thought of sticking your neck out on the line just for a chance to suck the marrow out of life excites me in a way I can't even put into words.

If you want to go on an adventure, you're going to need guts.

Adventures can be terrifying. But I think that's why they are so very fulfilling. Every time I watch an action movie, I come away with this inexplicable urge to do something that might claim my life, but would be the most grand scar story if I survived it. I want to go out with a bang. I want to be remembered because I didn't settle for a mundane human existance.

I want to be remembered because I didn't just survive. I lived. With flair.

Writing this, I realize that my three themes go hand-in-hand with each other. If one seeks an adventure, he must have courage to go on it, and when he does he will find his freedom. I want my life to be a series of stunning, breathtaking, more-spectacular-than-last-night's-sunrise moments. I never want to turn down an opportunity to go on an adventure.

I want every heart-pounding-out-of-my-chest car race. I want every singing-about-Papa's-great-love-on-a-rooftop moment. I want every step of the spontanious dance. I want every color that has ever graced the skies.

I want every gorgeous second of my symphony.

And I want it free and loud and bright and brilliant and intoxicating and invigorating and alive. I want it to scream like a battle cry and sing like an eight-part harmony finale. I want it to dance the dust off the floor and write until the sun comes up.

I want it to be an adventure.

In the words of one Bill McKenna, I want to slide across the finish line screaming, "Geronimo!"

And I want to live in a way that if I was given the opportunity to go back and live life all over again, I wouldn't want to change a thing.

Because it was such a grand adventure.

Freedom

2011-12-25T21:17:00.001-08:00

Freedom is the second of my life themes. Why? Well, much like is the case with courage, I'm not entirely sure. But please stick with me while I try to put it into a countable number of words.

The very country I live in was founded on principles such as freedom and equality. And though it took several hundred years for those principles to truly mean anything (slaves and women, anyone?), they are still the things that the United States is known for. That's why so many people have tried so hard to get here. That's why I'm proud to say I am affiliated with this place.But freedom isn't just a big deal to me because I dwell in a place which attempts to uphold it. There's something deeper still.

If you've been following me for a while, you know about how I am an extremely restless person. I can't stay confined to one place for too long or I start to go crazy. I'm like a bird. If I'm contained in any sort of cage for too long, I lose my song. Why this is, I'm not entirely sure. I like to think that I am fairly content with my surroundings. But just recently I've realized that nothing could be farther from the truth.Colorado has become my cage. The mountains make me feel small and insignificant and trapped. I'm only sixteen, and yet I feel as though I am losing so many years of freedom by being stuck somewhere. It's not like I have a choice. My parents still have legal custody and I'm still in high school.

And for those reasons, my insatiable wanderlust must, for a while longer, remain unquenched.

You also probably know about my fascination with running away. I've come so very close to escaping, so close that I could taste it. So close that I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest and all my senses began to tingle. For some reason, I feel like running away, even just for a few hours, would somehow fill that need to be free. But for some other reason, I've never done it. And I don't know why.I think a lot of it has to do with my responsibilities. I can't miss school. I can't inspire that kind of negative influence on my siblings. I can't quit life to fill a void that doesn't even make any sense. I put it off and promise myself that someday, some glorious day, I'm going to do it. Just strictly because I can.

I've always been one for pushing boundaries. Even gravity frustrates me. As a child, I had myself thoroughly convinced that I could fly, I just didn't know how yet. I think, somewhere inside, that I still believe that. I never stopped believing it. I just forgot that it's what I believed.I have no greater dream in life than to fly. I want to see the world from a whole new perspective and seize hold of my own destiny and chart my own course in a dimension where nothing and no one can catch me or tell me to stop. If I was a bird, I would escape and never look back.

But I am not a bird, Friends.

I am a mortal, and hence, condemned to walk wherever I go and watch the birds with an intense longing that I could join them.

But see, I am still free. Though I cannot fly. Though I am trapped in the shadow of the Rockies. Though I have never worked up the courage to run away. I have been given a Gift. And I think Sunday was an appropriate day to reflect on that Gift.It is the gift of freedom, hand-wrapped by Papa and presented to me in the form of a helpless infant. The Designer of the universe, the Painter of the sunsets, the Hanger of the stars, the One Who could crush me like a grape if He ever got tired of my whining confined Himself to human form just so I could have my freedom. And there is no love song or waltz or hand-painted flower that could even come close to rivaling that Gift in beauty.He loves me enough to die for my freedom.

And so I love Him enough to obey, even when He tells me to stay home.

Courage

2011-12-20T20:24:00.000-08:00

Courage is undoubtedly one of my favorite words and hence, my life's greatest theme. If I ever get a tattoo, it will be the word courage in some funky swirly font on my foot or shoulder blade. It's my favorite character trait and the one thing I strive so hard to live out.

The funny thing is, I have no idea where my obsession with courage stemmed from. It just suddenly became my favorite thing and I can't be sure why. In this post, I intend to put into words just why it is that courage means so much to me.

My favorite kinds of stories are the ones where the protagonist begins as nothing and is forced to work to prove that he is strong. The stories where the insignificant nobody is more a hero than the nobles. Where the hero is the hero because he has courage even when nobody else does.

In the novel I finished writing over the summer, Uritus and the Sword of Fire, I took a stab at defining what courage really is. This is what my hero says about it:

"People so often associate courage with fearlessness, while in reality no one is fearless. Everyone is afraid of something no matter how trifle or insignificant it may be. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the ability to look Fear straight in the face and say, 'You don't own me.'"

And I think, when it really gets down to it, that is what courage is. Courage is standing up when the rest of the world screams at you to fall down. Courage is rebelling against the societal norm. Courage is fighting for something you're passionate about even if you are the only one in the world who still thinks it's worth fighting for.

I used to love the word fearless. I loved the way it sounded, I loved what it meant, I loved how I thought it could apply to me. But then I actually realized what the word meant: without fear. And since then, I don't use the word fearless anymore. Mostly because it is an unreachable goal.

My greatest fear is jellyfish, followed closely by Duck Duck Goose. Are those fears stupid? Absolutely! But they are still fears, and as long as someone has fears, he or she cannot be fearless. It's impossible. I roll my eyes when people refer to themselves as fearless. "Really?" I think. "You are really afraid of absolutely nothing at all? Not death not pain not rejection not loneliness? Wow. You must be some new breed of superhuman." No. It doesn't matter how much you deny it. It doesn't matter how much you try to convince others (or yourself) that you are fearless.

You are afraid. I can see it in your eyes.

Am I getting you down? If so, I apologize. I'm just telling it the way it is. There is no such thing as fearlessness and if you think there is, then you need a wake up call.

But just because there is no such thing as fearlessness doesn't mean there is no such thing as courage.

It's actually just the opposite. It is because we fear that we can be brave. If fear didn't exist, courage wouldn't either. Because if everyone was fearless, what need would we have for courage? Fear is something we all must face. It is in the confrontation of a friend who has gone astray. It is in the slowly fading heartbeat of someone we cannot bear to lose. It is in the breath before the freefall, and the battle cry before charging into battle.

But fear, just like any antagonist can be conquered with courage.

Everything I want to do in life is going to take courage. I want to move to Thailand, I want to open a home for pregnant teenage girls, I want to be a history maker, I want to change the world. Can I do it on my own? No. Not even if I was the most courageous person to walk the Earth. But with Papa's help, I know I can and nothing anyone says or does to try to prove me wrong will shake me.

My Designer believes in me.

My Designer knows I can do it.

My Designer calls me brave.

And I'd much rather be called Brave than Beautiful.

The Themes Of My Life

2011-12-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I've ever told you guys this, but the three main themes of my life are courage, freedom, and adventure. I so often get asked why those are the themes of my life and I now realize it's about time to put it in writing, one post for each theme. While I'm gathering my thoughts and typing them out, what are your three themes? Just out of curiosity.

Heartsong

2011-12-12T20:52:00.000-08:00

I think the greatest problem with being a thespian is the end of a show that you've been working on long and hard for a while. You get your final curtain call and your flowers and your compliments, and everything you've ever wanted and worked for is practically handed to you because of how talented you are. But then it hits you.

The show is over.

My job is done.

I may never see some of these people again.

This, friends, is the worst part about being a thespian. If we weren't so darned friendly and easy to get along with, this wouldn't be a big deal. But we are. We typically become best friends midway through the first rehearsal. And that tends to make the end of a show that much more wretched.

I am writing this today mostly to cope with my newfound separation anxiety, but also to reflect on all the reasons why I love those gorgeous people so darn much.

This weekend was a sea of emotions. It was a spectacular confusing swirl of pastels and glitter and brilliant sunbeams and captivating lyrics. It showed me things about myself that I never knew before. But mostly it showed me how incredible people can be.

Our show opened last Sunday on a chilly December 4th afternoon. We had two shows that day. The first went well, as could have been expected. Let me tell you, there is no feeling quite as magical as the hot stage lights illuminating your face as the show you've worked so long to perfect finally begins in front of an audience. We were incredibly proud when the show was finished and we got a sliver of time to hop into our motor vehicles and rush off to get food.

I went with Dallas and Matthew to Subway. We got our food and then went on an adventure in King Soopers during which we bought gorgeous Emma a rose. I think it's fair to say that I am the greatest wingman ever.

The time came for us to prepare for the second show, and everything was still going surprisingly well. We had a few mishaps, but nothing major. Those of you who do theatre can probably guess what happened next.

Disaster.

By now you must know that I am a very accident-prone human being. This tends to work against me a lot of the time. There I was, backstage, casually stretching so I would not pull a muscle and guess what happened?

I pulled a muscle. In my lower back.

The beautiful caring cast and crew whom I love and *adore* made me lay down and take meds and gave me Icy Hot and prayed for me and let me cry and gave me a good luck charm. I managed to perform with it pulled anyway, but that's not the point.

The point is, I love them.

And I can't even begin to describe how much. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't have gone on. Honestly. Yes, I had put months of time into perfecting the show, and ordinarily an injury wouldn't hold me back but I was in so much pain and I was so very tired and all the stress and stuff of the previous weeks came crashing down on me right then. I had no motivation to go on.

With the exception of a few shining faces who let me lay on the pool table between scenes.

I did go on. I don't regret it. We did in fact have to change all my blocking on the fly so I could do the whole show sitting down, but we managed to pull it off and no one in the audience really seemed to notice. I think we're a lot cooler than we give ourselves credit for.

Friday was my mom's birthday and our next show, the one my family and friends came to, and they all said we did a fabulous job. Then came the next Sunday and with it, tears. We put on our last two shows and rocked it out of the ballpark like we tend to do, and afterwards, the girls were all pleasantly surprised.

The incredible guys in our cast went out during our dinner break to buy us flowers and chocolate and write us notes.

We found the bouquets lined up in our dressing room and that was about the time I started to cry. I'd been holding it in all day but I think that was a good time to become emotional. So I did.

Then we cleaned up and went adventuring to Village Inn where we talked about how much we were going to miss each other but that we were going to stay in contact and be best friends forever. I've done that with all of my previous casts, but never have I been so confident or believed every word as much as I do with this one.

The separation anxiety kicked in when I was hugging them goodbye.

I went home to put my flowers in a vase and script this facebook status:

To some of my favorite people,
I miss you already. Our inside joke list is my favorite thing ever. From leather pants to creeper texts, from the Cupid Shuffle to being a wingman, from glitter and quoting Song of Songs to Icy Hot and slapping people, we pretty much rocked every second of it. I am so glad that I have been given the opportunity to know you all. You are, truly, my heartsong.
Love,
Charity Bee (also commonly referred to as Francesca Flute)

I think it's about time that I defined "heartsong."

A heartsong is exactly what it sounds like - a song from your heart. It's the song that takes a lifetime to discover. The song with a melody as sweet as the rising sun and as strong as the opening line of a show. It's the rhythm tapped out by all the footsteps of the lives that have touched you and all the lives you've known. It's the chorus of everything you are fighting for and everything you know is right mingled with the harmony of the laughs of those you can't even begin to imagine life without. It's courage and freedom and adventure. It's beautiful and powerful and vibrant.

It's a symphony.

And if you've ever listened to a symphony you know how fantastic it can be. From the anticipation you feel when the musicians go silent and the conductor raises his baton to the breathtaking crescendo to the stunning melodic final note that gives you chills. It's impossible to describe the feeling of peace and awe and clarity that is found when you discover your symphony.

A huge piece of my own symphony was uncovered when I met those people.

I was having a rough day yesterday, and a friend told me something that I'd never considered before. He told me I deserve a symphony. And I couldn't help but realize that he's right. I do, as does everyone else. It's hard to find, trust me. And there will be more flat notes and grueling mishaps than you would want. But let me encourage you, sweet friends, never to stop dreaming and composing and searching for your own symphony. You'll discover bars in the most random of places.

Just like I found mine in a strained back and a teary-eyed Sunday night.

I'm still figuring out which path I'm taking and I'm still searching for the rest of my heartsong. But I can rest now knowing that I don't have to find it. Because it somehow always manages to find me.

I can't even begin to describe how much my cast, my family, my friends, and my Designer mean to me. My life would be a heck of a lot more difficult if I didn't have them to send me encouraging texts and buy me flowers and on occasion carry me to my car. And though my heartsong is anything but complete, it is still undoubtedly spectacular.

And I have a beautiful collection of stunning faces with gorgeous names to thank for that.

Wishing Stars and Painful Scars

2011-11-25T13:15:00.001-08:00

Thankful for powerful lyrics and perfect harmonies, inside jokes and spontaneous dance parties; Flowers (both real and paper) and the smell of old books; Rocking out to Journey in parking lots in the middle of the night and friends to do it with; Leopard print slippers and other people's jackets to wear; Wishing stars and Shakespearean monologues; Eyes that look at you with sincerity and see you as you are, smiles that are infectious, and faces that can brighten even the darkest of days. All the beautiful people in my life, whether I've known you since birth or just met you a few weeks ago, thank you for being you and being here for me. My life would be a lot less worth it if I didn't have you.

These are the words I penned as my facebook status this past Turkey Day. It was, in fact, rather difficult to pick just a few things to mention. I'm thankful for very much. I've done a lot of thinking as to what I intended to blog about for this festive holiday, and up until right now, I was going to go into more detail on the previous things and maybe tell a few stories behind them.

But the Muse has something else in mind.

Let me be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I'll be posting about but it'll be fun to see where this goes.

Basically, this holiday is predictable, as are most of them. But Thanksgiving I think takes the cake for tradition and repetition. Most families do the whole go-around-the-table-and-say-what-you're-most-thankful-for thingy, as does mine. And as is expected, every year the same things are mentioned: Family, friends, the house, the job, Jesus, good food, etc. You have all probably witnessed this yourselves. I make an attempt every year to be at least a little bit artistic and creative with my answer (see above). But you know what else I've noticed?

No one ever says that they're thankful for bad things.

This is probably a given, right? Why would anyone be thankful for bad things? The holidays are a time to try to forget the bad and make beautiful memories. But I think that's the problem. It's an excuse. An excuse to block out bad memories and hard times. But life isn't all Jingle Bells and stuffing.

Life is a tear-stained pillow and a massive purple scar too.

And that's what I intend to write about. As much as I too try to forget all the harsh things that have happened to me, I just recently realized that I need to be thankful for them too. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying you should be thankful for genocide and cancer. But I definitely believe that if there were no bad times, the good would feel a lot less sweet.

I'm thankful for a lack of money.

Crazy? Yes. But it's true. After I got home from Cambodia this summer, I realized how freaking rich we are in the states, and how freaking selfish we are because of that. Walking around shopping malls and department stores and even Walmart leaves me absolutely disgusted with the wealth-saturated, cushy, oh-ehm-gee-I-broke-a-nail society we live in. The kids in America cry when they can't have more than one soda a day. The kids in Cambodia were dancing with joy when we gave them a handful of bread. Being "poor" not only helps me relate to the beautiful people on the other side of the world, it makes me ready to become one of them. My Designer told me to move to Thailand for a year, and to be completely honest, I am counting down the days until I can abandon this whiny selfishness and be united with a singing thankfulness.

I'm thankful for fights.

I'm not talking war here. I'm talking about the ridiculous little spats you have with your brother because you don't want to take him the the park in the freezing cold, or the fifteen minutes that you don't talk to your best friend because she wants Starbucks and you don't. For one, they are so much fun to look back and laugh at. And for two, they make you realize how much you actually love those people, and how horrible your life is when you aren't getting along.

I'm thankful for embarrassing moments.

Mostly because when you're in them, you realize who your friends really are. They're the ones who will pick you up when you fall off the stage and make sure you're okay before they laugh at you. They send angry text messages asking where your work shoes are because you keep slipping. They're the ones who will sing off-key on purpose because they know you're sick and they don't want you to be alone. Plus, moments of awkwardness and dumb-blondeness are always fun to laugh at.

But mostly, I'm thankful for my scars.

And trust me, I have a lot of them. Most of them are stupid, like the one I have on my pinkie from when I cut myself with a plastic butter knife. But they're all unique and beautiful because each of them resemble an era or moment of my life when I messed up. They remind me of when I got hurt or when I made a fool of myself trying to perform a simple task. They're both emotional and physical. Some of them go really deep, and some still hurt if I touch them. But each one tells a story, and each one helped to mold me into the person I am today. I'm far from finished when it comes to discovering myself, and if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I will collect far more scars in the years to come. But, just like my flaws, I've learned to love them, and I hope My Designer will let me keep them when I get to Heaven.

Because Jesus kept His scars too.

So I'm pretty sure that concludes my I'm-thankful-for-things-that-suck-but-can-be-awesome list. I'll close out by penning a new collection of things that I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for the children in Cambodia, who even though don't speak my language can still indulge with me in worshiping our Designer; For flowers with ripped petals and climbing trees; For rolled ankles and popped jaws and overbites; For people with dimples and people who can't sing, who love you more than you ever thought was possible; For hands: old wise ones that feel like years of trial and victory, and gentle new ones that are ready to seize life by the bowlines and ride it to the end; For poetry and words that roll off the tongue like smooth stones; For moments that even Kodak can't capture. But mostly, for scars that tell the stories no novel ever could, and for the Designer with Whom I cannot wait to share those stories.

Happy holidays, lovelies. I hope your day was deliciously sweet.

Hair (And Some Of My Favorite People)

2011-11-22T11:19:00.001-08:00

So I got my hair cut and dyed yesterday and I thought I'd post pictures for y'all. We also went a bit camera crazy after rehearsal so I thought I'd post some of those pics too.

Beautiful People: Discovering Emma (and Travis) Holiday Edition!

2011-11-21T14:02:00.001-08:00

1) What kind of holidays does he/she celebrate, if any? Both: All of them.
2) What is he/she most thankful for? Emma: The people in her life who help her to stand on her feet when the rest of the world is convinced she'll fall down. Travis: Second chances, Heidi, dance.
3) Does he/she have any family traditions? Emma: Her family was always poor, so they never had very elaborate holidays, but her mom always made sure they ate dinner as a family on days like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Travis: The Waters family always gathers at his parents house and spends the holidays together. They make sure to choreograph a special piece for the Christmas season.
4) What is his/he most memorable holiday memory? Emma: The first Christmas without her Uncle Ben. Travis: His first Christmas as Heidi's legal guardian.
5) What is the most memorable gift he/she has ever received? Emma: Her first pair of jazz shoes. Travis: The Waters School of Dance.
6) Does he/she consider it important to be with family during celebrations? Emma: Not so much since she left home. Travis: Very much.
7) Does he/she usually wait until the last minute to purchase gifts or does he/she buy them ridiculously early? Emma: She collects little things for people as she finds them throughout the year and buys the special gifts closer to the holiday. Travis: He loves to go Black Friday shopping and buy all the gifts then.
8) Favorite Christmas song? Emma: Silent Night. Travis: All of them.
9) Does he/she celebrate for religious reasons? Emma: Yes, she grew up that way. Travis: Yes, and he makes sure Heidi knows why they celebrate too.
10) How does he/she celebrate the beginning of the New Year? Emma: She typically takes care of the twins or hangs out at home with friends. Travis: He goes to the annual New Years Eve party at his parents house.

Jorge

2011-11-12T09:18:00.001-08:00

So y'all know that I really love this song right? It's basically about a third grade boy who brings home his class gerbil and later finds him dead in the washing machine. And guess what Ma, my second grade brother brought home from school yesterday?

Two gerbils. Luckily for us though, neither of them are named Jorge. They're Sleepy and Brownie and hopefully won't end up in my brother's jeans pockets anytime soon.

Strange coincidence? I think so. But you can never be too careful. Especially when dealing with a couple of gerbils and a song sung by Aaron Tveit.

Worth It

2011-11-12T08:36:00.001-08:00

So as most of y'all know, I have a job now. But as most of y'all didn't know, it's a lot of work. Okay so maybe that was a dumb statement but I mean it. I'm never at home anymore. I go to school from 7:45 to 3; I go to work from 4 to 11; I have three four hour rehearsals a week; I go to church; I attempt to have a social life. As you can probably assume, this does take a toll on my physical (and mental) health.

Well yesterday I was running on about three hours of sleep (with four hours the night before) and I was terribly ill. Ill enough to be allowed to sleep during both choir and theatre class. I was (once again) scheduled to work from 4 to 11. So I showed up at work and my manager told me that if I really wasn't feeling well, I could go home. I called my parents and ma mere arrived to fetch me around 5:45.

However, instead of going home to read Shakespeare and eat soup, I went to rehearsal, which I was going to have to miss because of work. I had to bring Ma with me because the rest of my family wasn't at home but he just chilled out and played with his DS in a comfy little nest I made him in the back.

Upon arriving I made sure that everyone knew that I was exhausted and sick and that if I wasn't functioning properly, I had a very valid excuse. They responded like most best friends do. Katie let me have her seat, Dallas let me have his shirt so I wouldn't have to wear my work uniform, and they did their best to make me laugh and make me feel better.

I. Flipping. *Adore*. Those. People.

You know how when you're in a cast, you're just automatically best friends with everyone? Well that is beyond true in our cast. Our inside joke list is becoming never-ending, and I'm pretty sure we spend more time laughing than we do actually rehearsing.

But isn't that how life is supposed to be?

Free and loud and bright and brilliant and intoxicating and invigorating and alive. Where people aren't afraid to say what they mean and do what they feel like doing, regardless of what others think or how against the rules it is. Where there is no fear of rejection or loneliness because you have a beautiful support system who has always got your back no matter what it might cost them.

Who will slap people who insult you so you don't have to do it.

Who will give you compliments on things you didn't know you do well.

Who make life worth it.

I'm pretty sure I need to write a song about these people. They've shown me a whole different side of love that I didn't even know existed. They've proven to me that not everyone is the same, and though man is inherently evil, he can overcome that and be the best group of friends you never knew you needed.

There are many different kinds of love. My favorite is that divine redeeming love that my Designer has for me. But I've discovered another kind of love that I'm not sure what I'd do without.

The love of a cast for each other.

I've been in several casts before but I can say with the utmost honesty that I have never been so attached to a cast as I am to this one. They are the most gorgeous, selfless, hilarious people I've ever met in my life and if I didn't have them, my life would be a lot less worth it.

Love is a funny thing. It's a welcome home hug and a paper mache flower and the words whispered soft and sweet, "I've got you." In the words of a song I just recently finished, love is a weather-stained evening and a cold fist full of sand.

But love can be a collection of inside jokes and The Cupid Shuffle too.

I went home last night dead tired, but with an extremely joyful heart. I didn't even have time to change into my pajamas before I fell asleep. So I curled up under some quilts my Abuela made me, in Dallas's sweatshirt, with the biggest smile that I've worn in a very long time. Sick and tired as a person may be, a night with a cast like mine really does make everything worth it.

My life is perfect because of these beautiful people.

Because I Can

2011-10-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

That phrase is kind of my favorite response to everything.

"Why do you eat toast for breakfast?"

Because I can.

"Why are you writing your junior thesis on A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court?"

Because I can.

"What time is it?"

Because I can.

Okay, so maybe it's not the correct answer to everything but I still love it. I write books and sing loud and go on adventures because I can. And no one can really argue with me when I say that.

Anyway my lovelies, some very interesting stuffs happened in my life recently and I thought I'd share them with you.

First. I got a job. At Chick-fil-A which is probably one of the most delicious places to eat. I start next week. Pray for me.

Second. My computer and phone died, and I need to fix them. I apologize if I don't post as often, but I think I have a valid excuse.

Third. I went shopping today and got a very swanky pair of over-the-knee boots that I am so excited to wear.

And fourth. I think I have decided to once again, embark on the NaNoWriMo journey with a novel based on this short story about two playwrights. Add me as a friend if you're crazy enough to do it too: defyinggravity13.

That is all! I again apologize for my apparent absence on Blogger. But I shall return! Eventually . . .

Cheers!

Another Candle On His Cake

2011-10-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

It is a very special day, today. It's Aaron Tveit's 28th birthday. I've probably already posted every known picture of him on here but I just have to post one, to make this post complete.

I wish the best of days to my hero, my inspiration and my phone wallpaper. I love you. Now stop aging.

Confessions of a Self-Absorbed Drama Queen Chapter Sixteen

2011-10-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

Chapter Sixteen: Homecoming Queen

The promise I’d made myself stayed with me all through the summer.I let go of all the anger I had at everyone. I still wasn’t a huge fan ofBrittany or Lola but the I-hate-you-and-I-hope-you-die-a-slow-and-painful-deathstage had passed. Now it was more of anI-still-don’t-like-you-but-I’m-trying-to-change-that stage. It was the same waywith Kurt and Carmen. I didn’t like them but I didn’t hate them anymore.

I had gotten to know Derek better over the summer. He’d metMartin and my parents and they all liked him. Whitney still thought it was socute that I liked him. My parents had left to go to Korea the day after myfinal glee club performance. But that was alright with me. My life was stillgood.

A month into junior year, Finn, Whitney and I were labeled“Triple Threat” by some of Finn’s buddies on the football team. We had becomeinseparable that summer and there wasn’t one thing that one of us did that theother two weren’t warned about beforehand.

Now that I was a junior I was eligible for homecoming queen.I was top of all my classes. I was head of all my clubs. Throw in the fact thatI was pretty and had a greatpersonality and I was perfect for homecoming queen. I just had to getnominated. I knew Finn couldn’t nominate me because of Lola. So Whitney was myonly hope. I never told her I wanted to be nominated. I just dropped a fewhints and hoped she would catch on.

Then one day Triple Threat was walking down the hallway whenan announcement came on over the PA. Mr. Ezzo’s voice came on. I heard thewords homecoming queen and I stopped in my tracks and shushed Finn and Whitney.The first nominee was Bethany Parker. She was in my history class. Next wasBrittany Foster. I rolled my eyes. Of course she was nominated. She probablybribed someone to do it. I held my breath. I knew Mr. Ezzo had saved my namefor last because I was cool like that. But the name he said was not mine.

It was Whitney Woodman’s.

I gasped. Whitney?Who nominated her? She didn’t even wantto be homecoming queen. Did she? I tried to seem excited for her. I gave her ahug and told her she deserved it but in truth I was angry. I deserved to behomecoming queen. I was the pretty one, the funny one, the popular one. She hadalways just been there in the background. Kind of like my sidekick. And now shewas going to expect me to step out of the spotlight so she could get her fiveminutes of fame. I would just take over again when homecoming was over. I wasgoing to tell her she should forfeit. But what benefit would that serve? Istill wasn’t nominated. Besides, she didn’t even do anything wrong. And thatled me to think of something else.

Who had nominated her in the first place? Of course she hadother friends besides me and Finn. But I didn’t think they were the type toforce one of their own into the limelight. They were so quiet. And so devious. ButI stopped my train of thought before I could begin plotting revenge. Maybe itwasn’t one of the art people that nominated her. I ran through the list in myhead of all the people that had it out for me. Carmen was a possibility. Sheand Whitney still hung out. I didn’t think Kurt would nominate her though.Maybe Lola or Brittany did just to make me feel worthless. I didn’t care whohad nominated her. The fact remained that I deserved to be homecoming queen andWhitney didn’t.

I was not going to let this one little incident spoil mygood mood though. I still had senior year to be nominated. And I had both myproms. So I continued to act happy for Whitney and I continued to pray that Iwould get over the fact that I was not nominated.

Then Whitney called me up one day. “Hey Charisma,” Shegreeted me when I picked up. “You know how I’m in the running for homecomingqueen?”

“How could I not? Youmention it enough.” “Yeah . . .”

“Well I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“What is it?”

“You know how you’re kind of used to being in the public eye?”

“Kind of?” “Yes .. .”

“Well I was wondering if you could help me get used to it.”

“Get used to being in the public eye? What do you mean?”

She paused. “Well you have a great sense of style and poiseand all that. I wanted you to teach me that.”

“So . . . you want me to teach you how to be popular?”

“Yeah, that’s it!”

I smiled. The homecoming princess needed my help. I thought for a moment beforeresponding. Yes I did have a great sense of style, and humor and I was smartand had a great personality. She could use some help. And I didn’t have toteach her everything I knew. “OkayI’ll do it under one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You have to mention me in your acceptance speech.”

She laughed. “You have my word!”

And that is how I, Charisma Starr Rowland, became homecomingqueen consultant. I gave Whitney style tips and stuff. I coached her on herspeech and her carriage. I also taught her how to get people on her sidewithout being too obvious about it. I would keep my sense of humor and myfabulous personality. She could have that much. All my coaching made me thinkof the line from the song Popular from Wicked, “You’ll be popular, just notquite as popular as me.”

But then something happened that I was not expecting. Peoplestarted noticing her, and not because she hung out with me. At first it was nobig deal. I figured it was just because she was in the running for homecomingqueen. But then it became more frequent. Almost every day. And she’d getcompliments on her outfits or the quality of her manicure. All of which shewouldn’t have if it wasn’t for my generosity with my style tips.

One day I was sitting at lunch with Derek and some of the otherdrama club kids. Whitney was sitting two tables away from me so I could easilylisten to her conversations. I felt bad about eavesdropping but I justified itby saying that everyone else did it so what was the difference? Then some groupof cheerleaders migrated to where she was and asked her where she got hershoes. She told them and then they asked why she had developed such a suddeninterest in fashion.

I perked up. This was the part where she was supposed to mentionthat she learned everything from me. I craned my neck to hear how she was goingto do it. She paused a moment before saying something about how she decided shewanted to look good now that she was in the public eye. I couldn’t believe it.The only reason she was somebody isbecause I taught her how! And there she was taking all the credit for all mywork. Sitting there at lunch I knew she had made a huge mistake. I wasn’t goingto let her off the hook that easy.

This meant war.

* * * * *

FYI

2011-10-14T16:05:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! Okay sooo my sister and I have a brilliant idea: to start a youtube channel and record me singing covers of songs. Brilliant and simple right? Not really. See, the thing is, if you have a youtube channel and no one to watch it, it doesn't really serve a benefit to society. But! Seeing as how you all are my loyal devoted followers, I wondered if you'd wanna check it out? You can find it here. We haven't uploaded anything yet because we're still trying to decide which song to cover first, but we will soon!

I love you, followers! You are the bomb. Diggity. Also, if you have any suggestions of songs, we should do, let me know. Cheers!

To Celebrate the Beauty of People

2011-10-02T16:34:00.000-07:00

I decided to make a post dedicated to some of the most beautiful people I've stumbled upon recently. Please enjoy.

#1) The girl who gets to dress up as Tiana and walk around Disneyland and take pictures with children. Don't even try to tell me she's not gorgeous.

#2) Matt Doyle. This needs no further explanation.

#3) Andrew Ducote (Spieling Peter at Disneyland).

#4) Dianna Agron. She is stunning.

#5) Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet. Yes he is animated, no I do not care.

#6) William Moseley. I fell in love with Peter at a young age.

#7) Idina Menzel. AKA who I want to be when I grow up.

#8) And obviously you can't make a post about beautiful people without including Aaron Tveit.

Okay I'm done now. This last picture is totally unrelated but I just had to include it. Here is your funny of the day.

Cheers!

Homecoming Photoshoot

2011-10-02T15:56:00.000-07:00

Here ya go!

A Meaningful Post

2011-10-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

You know what I'm talking about.

Spirit week.

I apologize for the extreme lack of a meaningful post recently but I have been busy having an awesome time. During spirit week. To make it up to you, I shall write a meaningful post now (with lots of pictures in case you can't read).

Day 1 was nerd/ugly sweater day

Day 2 was twin/character day. Me and Faith were gangsters.

Day 3 was crazy day but we went on a choir field trip instead

Me, Bianca, and Sarah

My reflection in Hannah's sunglasses

We were entertained by this leaf

We went to the Fine Arts Center

And I just *had* to take a picture of the sky

We got to work with pastels!

Day 4 was class color day

And the spirit assembly

Day 5 was decades day

And powder puff

And the homecoming game!

The homecoming court

And the cheerleaders

Then came the dance

And it was awesome

But you probably could've guessed that

Well, that's about it! I got my first slow dance, I danced with some people whom I *adore*, and had a great time over all. Mel and I took some pictures at her house before the dance and I'll upload those soon, I promise. Cheers!

Confessions of a Self-Absorbed Drama Queen Chapter 15

2011-10-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

Chapter Fifteen: The Not-So-Evil Twin

Since the art school incident I had told Whitney about mydepression. She had sunk into one herself and we decided to help each otherthrough them. We had told Finn and he used all his spare time to spend with usand help us out of our depressions.

It was the end of the year now and Mr. Nelson decided hewanted us to sing three songs for our last glee club performance: A high energyone for all of us, a ballad for yours truly, and a love song for our two leads.

I think it’s obvious why I had issues with this arrangement.

I didn’t throw my diva tantrum right away though. I remainedcalm as I worked with Mr. Nelson on the song choices. I decided on Jump by VanHalen for the fast song and Defying Gravity from Wicked for my ballad. I had alot of thinking to do when it came to the love song. Mr. Nelson told me to takeall the time I needed to come up with it and I interpreted that to mean, “Itrust your judgment and I know your song choice will be perfect.”

So I slept on it. I slept on it every night for a weekbefore inspiration finally struck. My choice: You and Me by Lifehouse. It wasperfect. Of course, it wasn’t a duet, but I could fix that. I’d just tweak it alittle bit to make sure it was made for my voice. And so I got to work onwriting up the music and lyrics for Charisma Starr’s version of an alreadybeautiful love song. This was going to be great.

I had stayed up all night fixing the song, and by the timethe sun came up I knew it was perfect. I handed the sheet music and lyrics toMr. Nelson the next day at glee club. He looked them over and told me it wasgreat before he asked me about my ideas for the Van Halen number.

My idea was sheer genius. I envisioned tons of gianttrampolines set up on the auditorium stage so we could sing and dance and“jump” all at the same time. Did Mr. Nelson applaud and the brilliance of this?No. Instead he brought me down from my cloud of excitement with the reminderthat the school budget would not allow this. I sighed patiently and reminded him who my parents were and that anyfunds we couldn’t scrape up, my parents would give us.

He brushed the topic aside and moved on. “Okay,” He clappedhis hands together. “It’s been a long time since we’ve done a love song solet’s work on that today. Charisma, Kurt, take the stage.”

I sighed dramatically and obeyed. Mr. Nelson talked with theband about the music so I seized that opportunity to talk to Kurt. “Look, Idon’t want to do this anymore than you do. But I say we call a temporary truceuntil this is over.”

He didn’t get a chance to respond before the band startedplaying. We sang the song but Mr. Nelson stopped us when we got to the secondverse. I thought he was going to mention something about Kurt not being loudenough or something but instead he said, “There’s no chemistry.”

I threw my head back and sighed. “Of course there’s no chemistry! You’re asking me to pretend I’m inlove with him!” I pointed to Kurt. “Do you really expect me to act like I’m inlove with the destroyer of my social order?”

Kurt blinked. “Thanks.”

I ignored him. “I work my butt off to make this club look good;you can at least pick someone else to sing as the male lead. And if that’s toomuch to ask I guess you’ll have to find yourself another soprano!”

Mr. Nelson sighed and closed his eyes. I could tell he wassilently counting backwards from ten to keep from getting angry. He opened hiseyes again. “Okay, you get your wish. Kurt, go sit down.”

Kurt’s eyes almost fell out of his head. “But Mr. Nelson . ..”

“Kurt . . .” Mr. Nelson warned.

Kurt shot me the world’s dirtiest look before moving off thestage and sitting down.

Mr. Nelson scanned the students who sat in the seats tryingto pick out a new male lead. “Derek,” He decided. “Come take the stage.”

“Mr. Nelson?”

“I just want to see if your voices work together.”

Derek stood and made his way to the stage. Derek Luweo wasLola’s twin brother. He had always hung in the background during glee club. Hewas also in drama club and my math class so of course I knew he existed. I justnever really acknowledged his existence until that moment in time. But now thatI did I was taken aback. Why hadn’t I noticed how good-looking he was? He hadlight-brown hair and hazel eyes like Lola, but he seemed a lot taller than shewas. He dressed nice. Not Chad Pleckard nice, but at least I knew he had a goodsense of style. He had clear skin and a crooked smile and a cute demeanor. ButI shook myself awake as the time came to sing the song.

I sang it well I think. I wasn’t singing it to perform orget attention for once. I just sang it to sing. His voice was amazing. He had agreat range and a smooth tone. Everything but he and the music melted into thebackground of my mind during the song. And then it was over. I had never gottenso caught up in a song before. And it felt really, really good.

I was awoken from my daydream when Mr. Nelson startedclapping. And with him was every member of the glee club. Even Kurt applauded.I smiled but didn’t say anything. I was still dazed. Mr. Nelson assigned Derekthe job of lead guy singer for both the duet and the Van Halen number. He gaveus some coaching on dancing and singing but I wasn’t really paying attention.And I think it’s obvious why.

I kept my eyes open for Derek at lunch. Whitney was tryingto tell me something about how Carmen was jealous of Finn and Lola orsomething. Again, I wasn’t really paying attention. She noticed this. “Who ishe?” She asked.

I dragged my eyes back to her. “Who is who?”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “The guy you’re on the lookoutfor.”

“I’m not on the lookout.”

“No, you’re just looking.”

It was at that moment that Derek showed up. He jogged overto where Finn was and gave him a high five. Of course I watched. Whitney tracedmy line of vision to where they were and when she realized it was Derek shesmiled at me.

I had blanked out so when I looked back at her and saw hersmiling I was confused. “What?”

“Derek Luweo?”

I looked down.

She positively squealed. “Awe! That is so cute! You know Ipicked you out for each other?”

“Keep your voice down!” I demanded. “I don’t need everyonein WHS to know that Finn, Martin, and my dad are no longer the only men in mylife.”

She did keep her voice down but she wouldn’t stop going onabout how adorable it was that I now had Derek Luweo on my radar. I tuned herout and my eyes drifted back to him. He looked up and saw me look at him. Hesmiled and nodded at me. I returned the smile but put my head down again. Whatwas happening to me? I was losing my cool over a guy who I didn’t even reallycare about yesterday. So there at the lunch table I once again prayed thatDerek would be just a passing trend. I did not need a repeat of the Kurtepisode.

I tried everything to get over him. Of course my firstweapon of attack was the fact that his twin sister was my nemesis. But the moreI tried to get over him, the more I fell for him. I soon noticed that my eyeswould drift over toward him during math and drama club and glee club.

Unfortunately Kurt noticed it too. We were supposed to bepaying attention during drama club. But I often lost interest in what Mrs.Laurence was saying and I’d find myself looking at Derek. Kurt was sitting inmy peripheral line of vision so I looked his way when I realized he saw mestaring at Derek. He raised an eyebrow at me and I turned back to Mrs.Laurence. I did not need this broadcasted all over town. So I managed tocontrol myself during drama and glee club. I still had some work to do when itcame to math.

And then came the last day of school and with it, the finalglee club performance. The costumes were fantastic. They were gold and blackand we all looked amazing. Mr. Nelsonand I had decided on one more number: We are the Champions by Queen for all ofus after the love song. We decided it would be a good idea to end on a fun,high note. I wanted the school year to go out with a bang.

The Van Halen number was amazing. Mr. Ezzo introduced us andthen suddenly the lights went up and we started singing. All the flips andtricks I learned during cheerleading came in handy. I was one of three whocould do a front or back flip and one of five who could do front or backhandsprings. I got a look at Lola, Finn, Whitney, and Carmen in the audience asI raced offstage to get into my next costume. Whitney and Finn were pumped.Carmen and Lola were angry that I was stealing the show. Whatever. That meant Iwas doing my job right.

Next was my ballad. I originally wanted to sing without anyinstruments but we ended up using a piano, backstage of course so it wouldn’tsteal my glory. I waited in the wings for my introduction and as I did Inoticed something I hadn’t before.

Martin and my parents sat dead center five rows back. Uponseeing them I became a nervous wreck. My parents had never been to one of myperformances before. I wasn’t even sure they’d ever heard me sing.

Derek noticed me looking at them. “They showed up halfwaythrough the Van Halen number.” He informed me. He looked down at me. “There’sno reason to be nervous. You’ll do great.” He pushed me out onto the stage asmy cue came.

I did perfect. Not to sound conceited or anything, that’sjust the way it was. Whitney and Finn started the standing ovation. Theneveryone else joined in. That is, everyone else except Carmen or Lola. Iactually saw Lola tug on Finn’s hand and ask him to sit down, but Finn saidsomething about how someone with a voice that amazing deserves wild applause.

Man, I love that boy.

I practically had to drag myself away from the applause togo change for the love song. I met up with Derek to the side of the stage whileMr. Ezzo introduced us. All the other glee club members were lined up on thebleachers we set up on the back of the stage. They were going to singbackground like a choir.

Derek squeezed my hand. “Forget your parents.” He said.“Just sing like you did that first time in rehearsal.”

And I did. I forgot my parents and every other distractionduring that number. I sang my heart out with more emotion then I had even whenI broke up with Kurt. And when it was over, even the applause wasn’t enough toshake my gaze from Derek’s eyes.

“That applause is for you.” He told me.

I sighed contentedly. “Yeah, I know.”

We changed one final time to do the last number. I promisedmyself as I raced out onto the stage that this was going to be the bestperformance of my life. And when it was over and the crowd stood and applaudedI knew, sophomore year was behind me. All the ups and downs had made me astronger person. I let go of all the anger at everyone as I took my bow. I hadsecured my spot as a star.

My life was going to be perfect from that moment on.

* * * * *

Beautiful People: Discovering Emma (And Travis) Part Sept!

2011-09-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

1) Does he/she have any habits, annoying or otherwise? Emma: Plays with her jewelry, more specifically her necklace. Travis: None in particular.
2) What is his/her back story, and how does it affect him/her now? Emma: She grew up poor, unable to afford dance lessons. Her dad was an alcoholic and her parents divorced when she was young. She grew up believing she would never amount to anything but she chose to change that when she moved out at age eighteen. Because she couldn't afford to take dance, no companies or studios will hire her so she finds a job as a nanny instead. Travis: He grew up in upstate New York to rich parents who gave him everything he ever wanted. He took dance at his parents' studio, The Waters School of Dance and never was in want. He started working for the studio when he turned 17 and inherited it not long after. His sister, Shelby, and her husband died in a car crash leaving Heidi an orphan and he immediately took her as his own. He makes sure she can take as much dance as she wants because he knows how much she loves it.
3) How does he/she show love? Emma: Quality time. She likes to be around the people she loves. Travis: By giving his time, money, home, anything he can to that person so they know he cares about them.
4) How competitive is he/she? Emma: Not so much competitive as determined to prove herself strong and capable. Travis: Not very, but more so than Emma.
5) What does he/she think when nothing else is going on? Emma: She pretty much always has something going on but when she gets the chance she thinks about her Uncle Ben, and dance, and Heidi and Travis. Travis: Whether or not he's making the right choice by raising Heidi without a mother, Emma and her struggles, the studio.
6) Does he/she have an accent? Emma: She has a bit of a New York accent but not so much that it's obvious. Travis: He doesn't have an accent as much as a "New York way" of saying things.
7) What is his/her station in life? Emma: She was born into a very poor, lower-class family but now she's moved up to middle class at least. She doesn't have a lot of money, but she lives with someone who does. Travis: Upper-class. He's "pure-bred" in a sense - his father and his grandfather and so on were never lacking money.
8) What do others expect from him/her? Emma: Not a lot, considering where she came from and what her family was reputed to be like. Travis: More than he would like because of everything he's taken on.
9) Where was he/she born and when? Emma: Manhattan area of New York in the late 80s. Travis: Upstate New York in the late 80s.
10) How does he/she feel about people in general? Emma: For the most part, she'd wary and cautious of others but she can also be very gullible. Travis: He's very open and warm to others but his trust is easily lost.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 10}

2011-09-19T16:30:00.000-07:00

Bria shivered from her resting spot in the pile of petrified wood. Not from cold. Not from exhaustion. From fear.

Max took a swig from his whiskey bottle. "Stop whimpering like that!" He yelled her way.

"I'm sorry." She muttered. "Please can I come inside, Max? I didn't do anything wrong."

Max seemed to contemplate how this idea would benefit him. "No!" He finally decided. "You're lucky I'm even letting you live under my roof."

"I can't even sleep under your roof." She mumbled to herself, afraid that he would get angry if her heard her speak. "May I at least have dinner?"

"No! Now quit your whining and shut your trap. You're getting on my nerves." He spat.

She bit her lip to keep from saying more. Max had been drinking all night. He'd picked up the habit a while ago, though when it was exactly, Bria couldn't pinpoint. It had been a gradual thing, first casually at parties, then late nights with friends, and now every night (and most of the daytime too). She believed that it was a fixable thing at first. That it was only temporary. That he would grow out of it. But by now she had learned there was no hope. Every day she had to walk on eggshells to keep the sleeping giant appeased. She lived in fear of him, and she didn't know how much longer she could do it.

Sure she'd tried to run before. Twice actually. The first time she didn't get farther than the end of the road before she got cold feet. And the second time he'd found her, dragged her home, and . . . she didn't like to think about what had happened. Now she lived and ate and slept and even breathed fear and she hated it. Gosh-flipping-darn-it she hated it but there was nothing she could do. There was no family to live with, no friends to run to. The town they lived in wasn't all that big on security and if she ran to the police, Max would find out.

She was alone.

Completely, utterly, undeniably alone and the realization sent chills down her spine and tied her stomach in knots. She was stuck. Teetering on the edge of a precipice, undecided whether to let Max push her over or simply jump . . . and take matters into her own hands. She needed to make a decision soon enough, she knew that much. These days without food, these nights spent in the cold, though once few and far between, were now much too common.

She eventually feigned sleep and Max went inside. She could hear him rummaging through cabinets and slamming open drawers in search of the brandy she used for cooking. Every word that came from his lips every sound of a rustling leaf made her start. She eventually decided she couldn't take it anymore.

Silently, slowly, she stood from the pile of wood and backed away from the house, praying the whole time that he wouldn't come out to check on her. When she passed the mailbox she turned to face the road. She was leaving town tonight.

Bria was taking matters into her own hands.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 9}

2011-09-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

Franny tucked herself into one of the folds of the tree trunk and held her breath.

"Ninety-nine . . . one hundred!" Nick's voice echoed through the forest. "I'm coming!"

Franny tried to stay as still as possible. His footsteps were soft, as if he were stalking his prey. She shut her eyes tight, hoping that the action might make her more invisible. She heard him stop just a few feet to the right.

"I will find you, Franny." He said. "I always win."

"Franny bit her tongue in order to keep from yelling out, No you don't! Not always . . .

The two kids had an ever growing rivalry since preschool. They'd lived next door to each other their whole lives and everything one did well, the other had to do better. Their latest competition had been hide and seek and neither would admit that the other was better. They would race home from school, drop their backpacks on Franny's porch and then race into the woods and begin. It had become a routine by now. Most afternoons they ended up bickering so much they couldn't stand each other and they'd storm home swearing they would never talk again. But then the next day would come and they would realize how boring their lives were without each other.

It was a healthy competition. It kept their friendship interesting. Neither of them got along very well with many kids at school because no one could out up with their bold, obnoxious, I'm-better-than-you-and-don't-even-try-to-deny-it personalities. Franny had Robin, and Nick had Snug, but in reality (though both would die a thousand deaths before they admitted it) Franny and Nick needed each other. He stuck up for her when Puck pulled her hair in class, and she helped him with his math homework. Sure, they fought just as much as they talked, but they loved each other, and that was obvious to anyone around them.

"Come out come out wherever you are!"

Nick was getting closer, and Franny didn't know how long she could keep still. Her legs were cramping and her lungs ached from holding her breath for so long. But she would not cave.

Then finally, "Nick! Franny! Come home and wash up for dinner!"

"Yes mom!" Nick turned to go back home.

Franny leaped out from her hiding place. "Ha!" She pointed a finger in Nick's direction. "You gave up! I win."

"No! I was just pretending!"

"Were not!"

"Was too!"

Franny huffed and stormed off to her house and Nick did the same. "You're a cheater and a liar, Nickolas Bottom!"

"You're a baby and a loser, Francesca Flute!"

They parted, screaming insults over their shoulders, swearing their friendship was over. But both knew, tomorrow they'd go back. They always went back. Their lives just would not be the same if they didn't.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 8}

2011-09-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

Dianna sat in the rich black dirt, her eyes wet with tears. She clutched the carousel horse to her chest and tried to take her mind off all things important. But she couldn't. What had happened was like a knife through the heart and she knew, no matter how hard she tried to travel back to her childhood, or forget the things that had just gone on, she never would. She was not getting married that day. And that realization was going to be the death of her.

She always knew it was going to end this way. When Roger kept pushing the date back or making up excuses not to help plan the ceremony, she knew, in her heart, that he never really intended to marry her. He was a politician, and therefore, he was a snake. He'd used her for publicity votes and then, upon winning the election, cast her aside like a useless rag doll.

They were supposed to be wed that afternoon. But he had taken her aside that morning and explained that things just "weren't working out between them." She said nothing in response. She just turned on her heel and ran and ran, leaving him to deal with the confused wedding guests on his own. She didn't stop running until she knew no one could see her and then she collapsed and started to weep. Only when she calmed down enough to look up did she see the carousel horse.

It sat there, on the side of the path all by itself, filthy and alone. How it got there or where it came from, she didn't know. It reminded Dianna so much of herself. And so she crawled over and snatched it up and hugged it to herself while she shivered in the cold. She rocked herself gently back and forth, still crying, trying to find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel or other comfort. She found none.

That was where Andy and Sarah found her: half asleep, with tear-stained cheeks and pale white skin, murmuring to herself that she would be fine. They picked her up and brought her home where they fed her and tried to convince her that Roger was a worthless git, that she deserved better than him. She just nodded and looked away. Maybe they were right, maybe not. But she'd taken a blow to the heart that day and she knew that no matter what comfort or kind words people tried to bring her, she would never be the same again.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 7}

2011-09-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

Jennie rocked slowly back and forth, fighting back tears. "How could they not like me?" She wondered aloud. "I did everything right!" She sniffed and looked up at the Anderson mansion. Her vision blurred. She looked down and sniffed. It was not supposed to happen this way.

"Jennie!" Drew raced across the lawn to her side but stopped when he noticed her expression. "You heard us talking didn't you?"

Jennie said nothing, but looked up at her boyfriend with tear-filled eyes. He sighed and sat on the ground by her swing. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She choked out. "Gosh, why can't I do anything right?"

"Jennie . . ."

"No, Drew! You know it's me. It's always been me. I don't understand. It's 1953! Shouldn't men be allowed to choose girls for themselves by now?"

"Of course we are-"

"And your parents just don't get that! I try so hard. I dressed up, I answered all their questions politely, I helped clear the table after lunch. What is so wrong with me?" She choked as the tears spilled over her cheeks.

Drew reached up and gently grabbed her hand. "There's nothing wrong with you." His voice was tinged with both love and sadness. "They're just skeptical because you don't come from a rich family like I do. I think they're afraid to let me grow up, seeing as I'm their youngest." He paused and looked up into her face. "But you're my favorite, Jennie. And I'm keeping you."

Jennie smiled in spite of her tears. Drew rose to his feet, grabbed the ropes of the swing in his hands, and leaned down so his face was right in front of Jennie's. "You wanna get an ice cream?"

Jennie laughed and nodded and walked off with her hand in Drew's. She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed a sigh of relief. She had the best man in all of California. The Anderson's approval or not, everything was going to turn out fine.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 6}

2011-09-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Sam ignored the sound of the phone ringing as he violently splashed paint onto a canvas. "This will show her." He huffed. "If she doesn't understand how I feel after this than she must be heartless." He stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth and cocked his head debating where to add paint next.

The phone rang again breaking his train of thought and he picked it up with frustration. "Hello!" He barked into the mouthpiece.

"Sam?"

He rolled his eyes at the feminine voice on the other side of the line. "What do you want, Jessie?"

"I just thought maybe we could talk-"

"You thought wrong!" He cut her off. "I told you, we're over. I made a mistake. A big one and I'm trying to fix it."

"She'll never believe you . . ."

"Well I'm going to try anyway!" He hung up on her for the seventh time that weekend and picked up his brush again. He took a deep breath. "Where was I?"

He was painting the picture of the place where he and Kait had had their first kiss - the top of the Ferris wheel on the boardwalk. He'd made a huge mistake by asking Jessie to tutor him. When Kait showed up she'd jumped to the worst conclusion and she didn't let him explain before she stormed out of his life. She wouldn't answer her phone or texts, she dropped him on facebook, and any time she saw him at school she just skated around him.

Well now it was May - a week before prom - and he intended to win her back. He knew she didn't already have a date because she was determined to fly solo, so he still had a chance, however minute that chance was. "There!" He smudged a few more colors on the canvas. "Perfect!" He wiped his hands on a towel and then sat down to draft a note to Kait.

Meet me under the boardwalk after school. I have something I want to show you.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 5}

2011-09-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

"Heather! Heather where are you?" Reece around the plot of land she'd been living on for a year and a half. "Where is that child?" Her little second cousin (twice removed on her mother's side) had taken a liking to hiding from Reece - and she was good at it. Reece looked up from where she'd been searching through the bushes as she heard a car door slam.

Aaron jogged to her side. "Have you fond her yet?"

Reece sighed in frustration. "Does it look like I've found her yet?"

Aaron said nothing, just nodded sharply and raced over to the barn while Reece continued screaming Heather's name. The tall smart music theory major had developed a connection with the little girl. He liked her and she liked him and they got along very well.

"Heather?" He whispered as he neared the door of the old wooden structure. "It's me, Aaron. Please come out?"

"Why?" A small blond head peeked out from behind one of the barn doors. "Why do I have to come out?"

Aaron breathed a sigh of relief and crouched to her level. "Because, Sweetie," He spoke gently. "Reece is worried sick about you."

"What do I care if she's sick?" Heather huffed. "I don't even like her."

"You don't mean that . . ." Aaron paused trying to think of a way to lure her out. "Tell you what. If you come out with me and show Reece that you're okay, I'll take you into town to get ice cream." He knew Reece wouldn't be happy about the bribery technique, but he was desperate.

This proposition seemed to intrigue the little girl. "Just you and me?"

Aaron nodded and crossed his heart. "Just you and me."

Heather seemed to contemplate his offer for a few moments before she poked her head further out the door and looked around. Then, upon deciding that it was safe to step back into the world, she exited the barn and grabbed Aaron's hand. "Okay." She said. "That will be just fine."

And That's All She Wrote {Day 4}

2011-09-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

He was always a strange boy. No one really understood him. And perhaps that was because no one really cared to understand him. He had always been different. While everyone else his age ran off to a festival or get-together, he stayed, alone, and wrote about dragons.

He knew quite a lot about dragons. He owned one. Except, nobody really knew that he owned one. It was a secret, as was the rest of his life. He didn't like to be bothered so no one bothered him. He spent his time with his dragon, writing and since he didn't seem to want attention, no one gave it to him. But maybe that was the problem.

He didn't like to be alone. He never told anybody, but inside he longed for just one true friend. No one knew, so no one did anything. They just let him be, because they assumed that was what he wanted. But nothing could have been farther from the truth.

He disappeared, one year ago yesterday. No one knew where he went, or why. Some say he was taken by thieves in the night. Others say that he grew wings and left because he wanted to. No one really understands why. And perhaps that is because no one really cares to understand why. He will forever remain a mystery. No one will ever know.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 3}

2011-09-11T19:01:00.001-07:00

Adiadni took a breath and smoothed her hair down. She didn't want to do this but inside she knew she had to. She'd fallen in love - with a man who wasn't her betrothed. And on the day that was supposed to be her wedding day she was going to tell her parents, her betrothed, and the rest of the kingdom that she would not be married. At least not to a man she didn't love. Her hands shook as she reached toward the handles of the palace doors and prepared to step outside.

"Adi, you can do this!" She tried to convince herself. "You must do this. For Uritus." She closed her eyes and pictured the man she left behind to be here. She wanted him, and though she knew that might never happen, she had to try. She grasped the handles of the doors and flung them open. It was time.

And That's All She Wrote {Day 2}

2011-09-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

Meg and Morgan had stayed awake all night. It was only when the sun first peeked over the horizon that they realized they were exhausted. "Morg!" Meg mumbled. "Wake up."

"I can't!" The dark haired girl mumbled. "We can't keep this up, Meggy. We're going to have to accept it. I'm leaving."

"You can't!" Meg slammed her fist against the table with as much force as she could muster. "We've gone on a hunger strike, we've stayed up all night long, we've even braided our hair together! You are not moving. And if you have to, I am coming with you!"

Morgan sighed. "I don't think my mom will understand. Even if we do stay awake until she gets up . . ."

Meg reached over and grabbed her friend's hand. "Just a few more hours, okay?"

Morgan half smiled and squeezed Meg's hand back. "Okay."

And That's All She Wrote {Day1}

2011-09-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am starting this new writer challenge thingy: And That's All She Wrote. It's gonna be totally awesome! And also! Let's applaud for post number 200!!! Yay!

Addison took in a sharp breath and held her hand over her mouth. She regretted the words the instant they escaped her lips. Sure Nick had been a jerk. Sure what he said what totally out of line and he needed to grow up. But what she said was worse and she wished she hadn't. "Nick!" She yelled after him as he turned on his heel and ran down the street. "Nick I'm sorry!"

He stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. He spoke no words, but the look on his face said everything. He raced away to who knows where and Addison sank to her knees. She buried her face in her hands and silently began to cry. She wished she could take it back. More than anything, she wished she had never said it in the first place.

Concerning the Show I Will Never Get to See

2011-09-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight is closing night of Aaron Tveit's most recent musical, Catch Me If You Can. I am so depressed that I will never get to see it. This is for not only Aaron, but also the rest of his beautiful cast. Break a leg tonight, guys! Make me proud.

Good Mood

2011-09-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'm in a good mood today. Why? Because I met my new cast last night and they are everything I dreamed they would be. They're spunky and bold. Hilarious and entertaining. Friendly and extremely easy to get along with. I love them.

Our first rehearsal was last night and it wasn't as much a rehearsal as a get-to-know-each-other-by-climbing-on-each-other's-backs-and-wrestling-each-other-to-the-ground-and-playing-games-during-which-you-can-get-a-concussion. And I am very proud to say that I escaped with only a rolled ankle. Feel free to applaud at any time.

We have another rehearsal again today and I am so excited! I can already tell that we are going to be as close (if not closer) than my last cast was. And my last cast was like family so that's saying a lot.

I'm modeling my character after Sharpay Evans from High School Musical. You have no idea how it has been my dream to play Sharpay. I'm a bit of an attention-hogging diva myself so I think it will work well. I'm spending all my free time watching Saved By The Bell because my director wants me to model my costumes off of Kelly's. Yay.

In conclusion, the guy playing my prom date is shorter than me, I met yet another person who loves Psych, and theatre people are violent. I am so excited. This is gonna be totally awesome.

Take Me Away [[A Music Tag]]

2011-08-30T16:17:00.001-07:00

This looked like fun!

Rules:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends. I only have 20 followers so I tag you all!
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. No classical or Christmas music, or music in other languages.
7. Have Fun!

If someone says, "Are you okay?" You say: Undone [[Lifehouse]]

What would best describe your personality? Part of Your World [[Jodi Benson from The Little Mermaid]]

How would you describe yourself? Stand Amazed [[33 Miles]] *Oh yes. Bask in my awesomeness.*

What do you like in a guy/girl? Love Like Crazy [[Chris Rice]] *Ha!*

How do you feel today? Just Around the Riverbend [[Judy Kuhn from Pocahontas]]

What is your life's purpose? Superstar [[Stellar Kart]] *A personal goal of mine.*

What is your motto? Come Back Down [[Lifehouse]]

What do your friends think of you? Open Arms [[Journey]]

What do your parents think of you? When I Get Where I'm Going [[33 Miles]]

What do you think about very often? The Arrows [[Me In Motion]]

What is 2 + 2? Headphones [[Britt Nicole]] *Well there are two of them . . .*

What do you think of your best friend? From Where You Are [[Lifehouse]]

What do you think of the person you like? Forever and Always [[Parachute]] *Accurate in ways.*

What is your life story? Tick Tock [[Chris Rice]]

What do you want to be when you grow up? Wrecking Ball [[Lifehouse]] *I want to be an inanimate object.*

What do you do when you see the person you like? Upside Down [[Jack Johnson from Curious George]]

What will you do at your wedding? Who's Crying Now? [[Journey]] *Well that would suck.*

What will they play at your funeral? Somebody Else [[Hawk Nelson]]

What is your hobby/interest? A Love Song [[Stellar Kart]] *I write them.*

What is your biggest fear? Hold On [[33 Miles]]

What is your biggest secret? Along the Way [[Aaron Tveit]] *Yes I am guilty of killing the gerbil.*

What do you want right now? Apathy for Apologies [[Everyday Sunday]]

What do you think of your friends? Princes and Frogs [[Superchick]] *Debatable.*

What is the worst thing that could happen? Life is a Highway [[Rascal Flatts]]

What is the one thing you regret? Come With Me [[33 Miles]]

What makes you laugh? There is a God [[33 Miles]] *Yes, He has a sense of humor.*

What makes you cry? Come Back Home [[Stellar Kart]]

Will you ever get married? I Can't Deny [[33 Miles]] *What is with all the 33 Miles?*

What scares you the most? Send Her Love [[Journey]]

Does anyone like you? Arms Around Me [[Hawk Nelson]]

If you could go back in time, what would you change? Amusing [[Chris Rice]]

What hurts right now? I Just Can't Wait To Be King [[Jason Weaver, Rowan Atkinson, and Laura Williams from The Lion King]]

What would you say to the person who tagged you? I'll Be [[Boyce Avenue cover of Edwin McCain]]

What will you name this note? Take Me Away [[Chase Coy]] *Love it!*

Confessions of a Self-Absorbed Drama Queen Chapter Fourteen

2011-08-23T16:42:00.000-07:00

Chapter Fourteen: Depression Overdose

I didn’t have to say anything for Carmen to know that whatever friendship we had was over. I had publically humiliated both her and her precious little boyfriend so she started hating me. Whenever I walked by her she’d just hang a little closer to Kurt to make me feel bad. And I did. Not because I’d punched Kurt, but because my life was slowly falling apart in front of me and I couldn’t do anything to save it. I started feeling sick. Not flu sick or anything, just tired and angry and lonely. I’d talk to Martin about it when I got the chance, but it didn’t make me feel much better. Whitney tried to spend more time with me, but whenever she did her art shows or my performances would get in the way. It was the same way with Finn but Lola and Carmen had plotted against me together and Lola started arranging time to hang out with Finn during those times that I was free. It was just a part of their little scheme to ruin my life. I hated to admit it, but it was working.

I started eating lunch alone in the library. Finn was stuck with Lola and Whitney would join them and it was obvious why I didn’t want to. I’d do homework and eat by myself then go to my classes. I started sitting in the back near the door during classes rather than in the middle so I could get out as soon as possible and avoid talking to anyone. Finn and Whitney just figured that I wanted to be left alone so they didn’t bother me. But in reality, nothing could have been farther from the truth. I was dying for someone to talk to me and hold me and let me cry like Martin and Whitney had done in the past but there was no one.

I was all alone. Loneliness had become a theme in my life those days. That along with depression. I realized that was the problem. I was depressed. And I soon understood that I was depressed because I was alone. My parents were always gone; I had more enemies than I did friends; my friends didn’t have time for me. The problem was that I was too arrogant to admit that I needed someone other than myself. So I continued to float through life depressed. Alone.

Invisible.

Then one day Whitney caught up with me at the library when I was on my way to lunch. “Can I talk to you?” She asked.

“Can you? Do you have any idea how I’ve been dying for someone to talk to?” I thought. But I just nodded and said yes.

We sat down in the stiff leather chairs and she pulled a pamphlet out of her back pocket. She handed it to me and waited for me too look it over before she started talking. The pamphlet was for The Manhattan School of Art and Music. Whitney explained that she’d been looking into going there to advance her background in art classes. She went on about what a great opportunity it was and how she was sure she’d get in. She told me she had sent in an application already.

“There’s just one problem.” She told me. “My parents don’t know about it yet.”

My eyes got huge. In my family situation, with my parents never around it was easy to hide stuff. But in the few months I’d lived with Whitney I noticed that her parents were very involved in her life. I knew she wouldn’t be able to keep this quiet for very long. I comforted her with a hug and assured her that we’d figure out what to do when the time came. That conversation wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped but it was okay. At least I wasn’t the only one who had problems.

* * * * *

I screamed and jumped when my phone rang. I laughed at myself and answered the phone without even checking the caller ID. “Hello?”

Through the sobs I could hear Whitney’s voice. She was trying to tell me something but I couldn’t understand her. Of course my first instinct was to hang up and book it to her house, but I’d promised Martin I’d stay home and sign for the package he was expecting. I explained my dilemma and told her she could come over to my house. She told me she would and hung up.

She rang my doorbell five minutes later. I flew to answer it and then ushered her into the living room and told her to tell me what happened.

She calmed down and managed three words, “The art school . . .” She started crying again.

Oh no. She didn’t get accepted. That school meant so much to her. “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t they accept you?”

She shook her head. “I got accepted.”

I was confused. “Then why are you crying?”

She dried her eyes and calmed down before she explained. “I got accepted. I even got a scholarship. They loved my work and wanted me to study art in their school.”

I was still confused.

“The acceptance letter was intercepted by my parents.” She went on. “They confronted me with it. I tried to explain but they wouldn’t hear it. They told me I couldn’t go as punishment for applying behind their backs . . .” She started crying again.

She slept over at my house that night. I felt good. Not because she was depressed, but because I knew I no longer had to suffer alone. Now we could get through our pain together.

* * * * *

Beautiful People: Discovering Emma (And Travis) Part Six!

2011-08-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

1) What is his/her biggest accomplishment? Emma: Landing a job without a college education. Travis: Balancing his life of dancing, teaching dance, raising Heidi, and finding free time.
2) What is his/her strongest childhood memories? Emma: The way her dad treated her mom when he was still with them; when her Uncle Ben died; watching other girls go to ballet class. Travis: Practically growing up in The Waters School of Dance; going to shows in the city.
3) What is his/her favorite food? Emma: Mac and cheese. Travis: Chinese food.
4) Does he/she believe in love at first sight? Emma: No. She thinks it's impossible to fall in love if you don't know the person. Travis: Not love at first sight, but love at first interaction or conversation.
5) What kind of home does he/she live in? Emma: A small cottage on the edge of Travis's property that she rents from him. Travis: A nice house with lots of land in upstate New York.
6) What does he/she like to wear? Emma: Comfortable clothes that she can dance in; jeggings, sundresses, sweaters, shorts, tank tops. Travis: Cargo shorts, jeans, polos, graphic t-shirts.
7) What would he/she do if he/she discovered that he/she was dying? Emma: Move states if she had to, in order to find a dance company that would hire her. Travis: Sell The Waters School of Dance, and spend a lot more time with Heidi. Make sure he had someone he could trust to take care of her.
8) What kind of holidays or traditions does he/she celebrate? Emma: Nothing major before she moved in with Travis and Heidi. Her family would acknowledge the Christmas season but never actually "celebrate" it. Travis: Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Independence Day, Easter, etc. He grew up in a very traditional family and wants Heidi to do the same.
9) What do your other characters have to say about him/her? Emma: Her mother and sister think she made a mistake leaving home. Her best friend thinks she is bursting with potential. Travis thinks she's incredible and has so much talent that she has to work up the courage to harness. Travis: His parents think he's grown up to be a wonderfully successful young man but are skeptical about his choice to raise Heidi without a wife. His best friend thinks he's awesome, but still teases him about his love for dance. Emma thinks he's smart and sweet and incredibly giving.
10) If he/she could change one thing in his/her world, what would it be? Emma: Divorce. Travis: The lack of self-confidence and joy that people have.

I Have A Liebster Blog

2011-08-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

Yay! My first blog award! Lovely miss Sunny Smith gave me this award and I am beyond flattered :)

Also! For those of you who don't speak German, Liebster just means "favorite."

Here are the rules:

The goal of the Liebster Blog Award is to showcase up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The rules:

Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who bestowed the award on you

Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog

Copy and paste the award on your blog

Have faith that your followers will spread the love

Have blogging-blog fun!

I award!

Georgianna Penn at Before My Pen Has Gleaned
Lauren at Bits and Pieces
Helena Elise at Electric Shades of Sunshine
Ashley Strawser at In God We Still Trust
Sky at Further Up and Further In

Go in peace my lovelies and spread more joy!

In Which Charity Discusses Her First Day Of Junior Year

2011-08-17T15:15:00.000-07:00

Ahem.

It was basically awesome. I got to be reunited with some of my favorite people in the whole world and decorate my locker with my giant gold star and collection of quotes. I have a great schedule, and this year is going to be fabulous.

As promised, there is a picture of my new haircut. I did gain several compliments on this today. *Fist Pump*

And basically, I *adore* being an upperclassmen. I have rights now! And respect. I am considered a "queen" in choir, I don't have to sit at the "reject table" during lunch, and I didn't get knocked down in the halls today!

I think junior year will be a grand adventure.

Gah

2011-08-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Okay y'all, I do apologise for the lack of updates on my life recently, but I thought I'd update you all now.

Junior year officially starts tomorrow.

*screams*

This has been the shortest Summer ever! I really don't want it to end! But at the same time, I'm ready to take the most difficult year of high school by storm. I'm excited and nervous and jumpy and psyched all at the same time. I have that feeling - the one you get right before looking at a cast list to see if you made the show - in the pit of my stomach right now and I do not like it. Not one bit.

I do, however, think this year will be a grand adventure.

Am I ready? No. And I probably never will be. This is going to be one of the most busy-homework-filled-working-toward-a-scholarship-being-president-of-a-club-and-trying-to-keep-a-social-life years of my entire high school career. And I have no choice but to seize it with both hands and ride it without regret until next May when I get to celebrate my success in New York City.

I'll probably have a mental breakdown. Or two. I might pass out and gain a few more scars and have to use tape to keep my eyes open because of the sleep deprivation that comes with being a student at TCA. But I think I'll be able to pull it off. Somehow.

That there picture is probably totally accurate to how I feel right now (except now I have a haircut. I'll show you tomorrow). My life is filled with lip-biting, chaos-inducing, insanity(slash)work(slash)unpreparedness. But I am so going to rock this.

I've got a gold star that says "Courage," a plethora of inspirational quotes, a new haircut, and my Draco! The Designer is rooting for me, and that is more than enough to inspire confidence. Junior year, here I come!

Day 15: Your Favorite Song To Write To

2011-08-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .

I CANNOT CHOOSE!!! And so, I shan't. I shall just post the playlist that I dreamed up for the Popular series (which is still a work in progress).

Please let it work!

Day 14: One Of Your Favorite Quotes About Books Or Writing

2011-08-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel must be intolerably stupid." ~Jane Austen

Day 13: Your Favorite Book About Writing

2011-08-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

Uhm. Well. I haven't exactly read many . . . if I have read one at all. Come to think of it, I don't recall a single book I've read about writing. I've read books about reading and logic and how to teach someone to read. But it's not the same. I will just suggest a few I found on Google.

On Writing by Stephen King
Writing Screenplays That Sell by Michael Hauge
A Writer's Coach by Jack Hatt

I cannot fully back any of these books because I haven't read them, but if you do, please tell me how they are.

Day 12: A Song About Writing Or Books

2011-08-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

I think this one should count.

Day 11: Your Favorite Female Author

2011-08-12T15:41:00.000-07:00

Uuuuuhhhhhhmmmmm. That was me not wanting to choose. But since I must, my absolute favorite female author is Natalie Lloyd.

You can follow her blog over here and I recommend that you do. I've read both of her books, Want More? Life and Paperdoll and they are both outstanding. Some people are just gifted at stringing words together in a way that makes you think or sigh or dream or want to write something of your own. And she is one of them. I admire her passion, her gift, and her love for God, and think that she is an incredible writer.

Day 10: Your Answer To, "The Most Important Thing I Should Know About Writing."

2011-08-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

Well there are actually several things that you should know. But the most important one, whether you've been writing all your life, recently started writing, or want to start writing is this:

Writing is not easy.

It drives me insane when people say it is. It's not. Take it from someone who has been doing it all her life. It's frustrating. It's time-consuming. It's irritating. Sometimes when you've been working on a project for a long time and you think it's going well, you run into a ten foot high, three foot thick cement wall. And to make it even better, there's razor wire on the top.

Sometimes you try to climb the wall, only to find that it's been lubricated with fish oil and it's impossible. And so you realize that all you can do it wait for it to fall down. I hate that wall. It's commonly referred to as Writer's Block, Lack Of Inspiration, or Boredom. And trust me, if you haven't met it yet, you will very soon.

The wall is why it took me so long to finish Uritus and the Sword of Fire. It was oh-so-very determined to discourage me enough to give up on the book entirely. But I didn't. And that's why I'm warning you about it.

People drive me crazy when they say that writing is a cinch. Mostly because I know it isn't. It may be easier at times, but it is never easy. However, if you are willing to fight the wall and press on because writing is your passion and gift than go for it. And don't let anyone stand in your way.

Movie of My Life

2011-08-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

This is a meme that I did on Tumblr but I thought it would be fun to take it to blogger too! Just make a separate post for each of the movie aspects. You don't have to do them all in a row or anything, I finished them all today, just give it a shot if you want to. Click on the links below for my answers.

Cast:
The Main Character (You!)
Your Love Interest
Your Arch Nemesis
Your Parents
Your Siblings
Your Best Friend

Choose:
The Location
Song: Opening Credits
Song: Closing Credits
Song: Love Scene
Song: Breakup Scene
Song: Action/Adventure Scene

Have fun!

Day 9: What Is Your Current Writing Project?

2011-08-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

I'm actually working on a few projects currently. Now that Uritus and the Sword of Fire is done I can relax a lot more, but that one is currently in the editing stages and that takes effort. I'm also writing The Bench and The Beach House, two separate novels that have nothing to do with each other. Recently, I finished book two in the Popular Series, Confessions of a Tone-Deaf Cheerleader (Lola's story) and embarked on beginning book three, Confessions of an Arrogant Soccer Jock (Carmen's story), but decided to put that one on hold. Also, I've been penning the score of my musical Red and dreaming up a plot synopsis for Miss Understood, along with whatever songs and poems that I write in my sleep (I kid you not, that is how I best write songs).

Last night I watched Clash of the Titans with my sister as my dad just bought it for my late birthday gift. Somewhere near the end I was inspired to write a sequel to Uritus and the Sword of Fire, either about his child, or another of his great adventures. But that's still debatable.

Side note: I'm going to be staying at a friend's house for the next three days while my parents go to Ouray for their 20th anniversary and I probably won't have access to the internet. That means I'll fall a bit behind on this challenge but I promise to catch up when I get home. I love you, I'll miss you, take care of my fish for me!

Day 8: A Video About Books Or Writing

2011-08-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers this show.

Day 7: Your Favorite Genre To Write

2011-08-07T17:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't experimented with too many genres. I've done fantasy, mystery, children's. But the one I most commonly write is chick-lit and so I have to say that is my favorite genre to write.

It's probably because chick-lit is my favorite genre to read. I like writing characters that girls can understand and relate too. I try to make sure that each protagonist has a unique personality, gifts, and dreams. That way, every girl can pick a favorite book and character depending on who she is the most like. That' probably why chick-lit is my favorite.

Day 6: Something On Your Bucket List That Has To Do With Writing

2011-08-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

Well, the most obvious one is to get a novel published. I'm working toward that now. But isn't that every author's dream? Isn't that the reason we write? Well, that and because we love it. But really, what motivation do we have other than holding a hardback copy of something seeping with adventure and romance that just happens to have your name on the front?

Another goal is to write and produce a musical. I've two in process: Red and Miss Understood. I've written the plot synopsis for Red and am currently working on the score. Miss Understood is on the back burner till Red is done.

Day 5: Your Least Favorite Character You've Written

2011-08-05T18:51:00.000-07:00

Okay this one might be a little difficult. I even find myself liking all the villains I write. But I have to pick so I'll go with Velup the Sorcerer.

Velup is the prime villain in Uritus and the Sword of Fire. I do like him a bit because I created him, but he's so evil and is the prime cause of all my protagonist's pain so I have to pick him. Velup is the traveling Sorcerer, and brother of Uriah the Wizard (who is good). At a young age he went mad and sett his own house on fire with his parents in it, causing him to die. He then turned to sorcery and sought out an apprentice - Ercildus, Uritus's big brother.

Basically, he's a jerk. I celebrated at his defeat. And so that is why he is my least favorite character I've written.

Day 4: A Novel or Author that has Inspired Something in Your Writing Style

2011-08-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

I won't complain about only being able to pick one this time. Mostly because it's getting old. And you're probably getting annoyed. Anyway!

I pick Victor Hugo.

Why? Well those of you who have been reading my blog for a long time know about my love of his Les Miserables and his character Enjolras. You also know that I just recently finished my third novel, Uritus and the Sword of Fire.

What you do not know is that Uritus's inspirational speech he gives before the city goes to war, and the character of Uritus himself were heavily influenced by Enjolras and his speech. It wasn't originally this way. But after I read Les Miz and Enjolras speech I was so taken by it (and him) that I had to bring some Enjolras-type aspects into my own book. So I did.

Uritus's character has developed so much because of the Enjolras influence that I find myself liking him even more than I did in the first place. Yes, Victor Hugo definitely had a huge part in the making of this book.

A Quicky

2011-08-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

Just a few lovely things I thought I'd share with you.

Firstly.

This is Draco Archimedes. He's an iTouch. AND HE BELONGS TO ME!!!

Secondly.

Guess which of our favorite Broadway superstars was voted Broadway's hottest guy of the year?

Aaron Backflipping Tveit. *Screams*

Thirdly.

I just lost the game. Not like you needed to know or anything.

Later!

Day 3: Your First Attempt At Writing

2011-08-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

If I'm being honest, I don't really remember. I've literally been making up stories since before I knew how to spell. But I'm going to assume my first time was the Hush Puppies Series.

It was kind of lame. It was about a club that consisted of eight dogs: Dodger, Hannah, Pongo, Percy, Tito, Georgette, Scotty, and Dot Dot. I wrote about their adventures and me and my sister acted them out and everything. We got very into the Hush Puppies.

Before then I made picture books, but since this is our first attempt at writing I won't count those.

Day 2: Your Favorite Male Author

2011-08-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

Again, this took some deliberation to decide. I *adore* Victor Hugo and Sigmund Brower. But I had to choose just one and I don't think my choice will surprise anyone.

CS Lewis.

The man is a genius. Along with writing my favorite books of all time: The Chronicles of Narnia. His imagery and his dedication to his craft are really what won him this spot. Plus he wrote my favorite paragraph that I've ever read in a book ever:

“As He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was really the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

That is an excerpt from the final Narnia book The Last Battle and I love it with everything that is in me. Well, that's all, friends. Thanks for reading!

15 Day Writer Challenge Day 1: Your Favorite Character You've Written

2011-08-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

Ohmylanta do I have to pick? I like them all for different reasons. I like Uritus because he's perfect, I like Emma because she's easy to relate to, I like Finn because he's sweet. Ordinarily I'd pick Charisma because she's my alter-ego. But since I *must* choose I'll go with:

She was the detective I dreamed up in fourth grade and her character has evolved very very much since then. Now she works for the FBI but I'm sure that will change soon enough. I like her because she's a lot like me: independent, spunky, doesn't take things too seriously. Yeah, Isabella Davis is definitely my favorite of the characters I've penned.

Confessions of a Self-Absorbed Drama Queen Chapter Thirteen

2011-07-31T14:39:00.000-07:00

Chapter Thirteen: And Then There Were Two

In ten days, everyone at the school knew about my miscarriage. I started slipping into the background. I didn’t want attention anymore. I had sure changed since I first arrived at WHS. I had gone from look-at-me-I’m-the-most-amazing-thing-to-ever-grace-the-planet to stay-away-from-me-my-life-is-crap-and-I-don’t-need-you-to-make-it-more-so. I continued to take the lead in cheerleading, choir, drama club, glee club and Stars in the Making, but other than that I just didn’t want to be in the public eye. And by the public eye of course I mean high school.

Whitney, Finn and Carmen were very supportive of me and my situation. All the other “friends” I had deserted me. I ceremonially burned all the maternity clothes. Finn described it as a way to remove all the bad memories of things that had happened to me. Of course nothing could make me forget about Kurt and the pregnancy and the miscarriage and everything else that happened during that time, but this was a good way to put it all behind me and try to move on.

I still had a lot of resentment toward Kurt. He stayed away from me as much as he could. But then I noticed that he started seeming happier. He was a lot more, I don’t know, upbeat. It reminded me of when I was dating him. And it didn’t take me long to figure out why he was this way. There was a girl. There must have been. It was the only explanation. I then poured out all my energy into finding out who it was. What one girl at the school was worth more in his eyes then me?

I broke my suspicions to Finn one day as we walked to Home Ec. He spoke up right before we reached the classroom. “I know who the girl is.” He told me. “I was going to tell you at lunch, but I guess now is better.”

He didn’t have to say anything. It was obvious to me who it was when we walked into the classroom. She sat there, perched on the corner of the counter laughing and talking with Kurt and a bunch of other kids, her arm around his shoulders. I gasped when I saw for myself.

It was Carmen.

She was fingering a necklace that she wore. I got angry all over again when I realized that it was no ordinary necklace. It was the KC necklace Kurt gave to me when we were dating. Except this time, the C stood for Carmen.

She looked up and her smile faded as she caught my glance. I frowned and shook my head. My rage was obvious in my green eyes. Kurt saw me looking but turned away and pretended he hadn’t seen me. Finn looked down at me and was going to say something but he couldn’t stop me before I flew off the handle.

“How could you?”

Carmen looked down, ashamed.

Everyone stopped talking and looked my way at the prospect of another diva meltdown. “I don’t believe you! I thought you were on my side, Carmen!”

“I am . . .”

“Then why did you agree to start dating the two-faced backstabbing jerk that you told me wasn’t worthy of me? I thought you were my friend!”

She looked down again and my anger surged. I crossed the classroom and raised my fist. Finn couldn’t react in time. But Kurt did. He moved in front of Carmen just in time to take a punch in the face. I didn’t care that I’d missed my target. It served him right for being such a jerk. I was glad I’d punched him.

“Charisma!”

Unfortunately, Mrs. Shay the Home Ec. teacher wasn’t. I winced as I heard her voice.

“Come here!”

I clenched my fists and slowly made my way over to her. She went on about how disappointed she was that I’d done that but I didn’t care. I wasn’t listening. All I could think about was how I had just lost another friend. Two of my original friends still remained. I could only hope that Finn and Whitney wouldn’t do anything to change that.

* * * * *

When I Babysit . . .

2011-07-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

A taste of what we spend our time doing :)

Kthxbai!

Beautiful People: Discovering Emma (and Travis) Part Cinq!

2011-07-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

1) What is his/her biggest secret? Emma: Her love for Travis. She hides it from herself even but Heidi is the one who notices it. Travis: He doesn't really have many secrets. He's very open and tries not to hide anything.
2) Has he/she ever been in love? Emma: Before Travis, no. She never really understood the concept of love until she left home. Travis: He thought he was once in high school, but as he grows up he realizes he was wrong.
3) What is his/her comfort food? Emma: Mac and cheese. She always makes it for herself and Heidi. Travis: Chinese food.
4) Does he/she play a musical instrument? If so what? Emma: No. Travis: Acoustic guitar.
5) What color are his/her eyes? Hair? Emma: Blond hair and blue eyes. Travis: Brown hair and brown eyes.
6) Does he/she have any pets? Both: No.
7) Where is his/her favorite place to be? Emma: The bench. Travis: The Waters School of Dance.
8) What are some of his/her dreams or goals? Emma: To become a professional dancer or choreographer. Travis: To keep the Waters School of Dance in the family.
9) Does he/she enjoy sports? Emma: None other than dance. Travis: Pretty much anything that his friends like. They make fun of him because he spent his time as a kid in ballet class rather than at football practice, but now that they're older he can beat them at any sport.
10) What is his/her favorite flower or plant? Emma: Daisies. Travis: Apple trees.

Mid Summer's Best Friends Contest

2011-07-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

This looks like fun and I have so many pictures of us I thought I'd enter.

That is us :)

Another Candle On My Cake

2011-07-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was my sixteenth birthday! Finally.

I've been waiting for my sixteenth year all my life but now that I'm here, it feels just like all the others. Grr.

Anyway, we threw an awesome dance party on Sunday night at our church. We didn't get a lot of pictures because we were partying it up so much but we did get a few which I will post down there somewhere. But basically, it was awesome. We had fun and I'm still sore from all the dancing.

Now's typically the part where I get all deep and write about some new found realization I've discovered about life. I don't really have one. Other than there's not much better than having cool friends who love you and want to celebrate with you. Having thirty people show up at my party who were willing to celebrate me life kind of made me realize how awesome friends are. I've always known. But know I get it more.

Picture time! (I apologies for the quality, or lack thereof, of the photos).

Aaaaand the first picture of year 16:

Thanks for reading y'all!

Victory

2011-07-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

Three years, three notebooks, three parts, twenty-eight chapters, sixty-eight characters, numerous pens, and uncountable periods of writer's block, spontaneous inspiration, and late night writing sessions and I have finally finished my book.

Feel free to applaud at any time.

Yes, Ladies and Gents, c'est vrai. Uritus and the Sword of Fire was finished this morning at 4:44 am. I pulled one of those all-nighter-writing-session-I've-been-working-on-this-book-for-three-years-and-I-want-to-finish-it thingys last night. I wrote chapters twenty-five through twenty-eight as well as an epilogue.

And. I. Am. So. Flipping. Happy.

It's one of those feelings that any artist can relate to. It's when a painter finally gazes upon the portrait she's been trying to finish forever. Or when a musician hits the note he's been trying to hit for the longest time. It's hitting a home run and taking a final bow and throwing the winning touchdown all at the same time. I can't even begin to describe how good it feels.

Last night feels like a dream. I remember watching Clash of the Titans with my dad then taking a shower and pulling out the third notebook that hadn't been written in yet. I prayed that God would give me just enough stamina and inspiration to survive and be done. In my heart I knew. The book would end that night.

Technically it ended the next morning as the birds awoke. I shut the notebook, capped my pen, and squealed. You know that feeling you get when you accomplish something you've worked so hard at and you just have to tell somebody? That's how I felt. But at 4:44 in the morning, I had no one to tell.

So I spread the pages out before my Designer and prayed that even if the book doesn't go anywhere farther than my bedroom walls, it will be used for His glory. I opened my curtain and let the sunrise spill onto my bed as my head, weary and spent, hit the pillow. I fell asleep at five. I burst forth into the world at nine, declaring the victory I had over the thing I've been battling since spring break of my seventh grade year.

Now, the summer before my junior year of high school, I reign supreme. I have proven not only to the world but also to myself that I can do anything I set my mind on. Even if everyone else thinks I'm totally insane for doing so. I remained strong. I kept the faith. I held on till sunrise. And the victory is so much sweeter because of the struggle that went with it.

I know, there is still much more to be done. I have to edit it, type up a manuscript, and send it off to my publisher and ask if he's still interested in it. But that doesn't phase me.

I finished the freaking book and I am on top of the world because of it.

I'm going to go crack open Celtx and attempt to type this thing up. I'll give you an excerpt soon enough. But for now, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the book. The one that I have chosen to define the rest of my life.

"People so often associate the word 'courage' with the word 'fearless' while in reality no one is fearless. Everyone is afraid of something, no matter what it is. But courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the ability to look fear straight in the face and say, 'You don't own me.'" ~Uritus

An Interview {{For the Gentlemen}}

2011-07-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

Okay part two of the interview is here!

Interviewer: Hi and welcome back to Who Needs Coffee? Before the break, I interviewed Charisma, Lola, Carmen, and Whitney from The Popular Series. Now I'm going to interview the boys! Let me introduce them to you.

Kurt Nicolas Pleckard is a singing, acting high school student who is caught in the shadow of his fashion designer uncle, Chad Pleckard.

<--- Kurt looks like Aaron Tveit. Don't judge.

Maurice Andrew Okar is the foreign exchange student from Africa who is taken in by Charisma's parents.

Maurice looks something along the lines of this --->

Derek Justin Luweo is Lola's fraternal twin who loves playing sports just as much as singing.

<--- This is what he looks like

Finn David Ferrari (whose first name is going to be changed to Sam) is the football quarterback of Westminster High and Carmen's big brother.

This is what he looks like --->

*The guys walk out and take a seat to the sound of the audience's applause*

Interviewer: Hi guys!

*The guys return the greeting*

Interviewer: Thanks so much for joining us!

Maurice: Not a problem!

Finn: *Leans over to Kurt and whispers* Us?

Interviewer: All right let's get to the first question. Do you guys have any kids?

*The guys turn and look at Kurt*

Kurt: Well, no. I almost did. Charisma told you how she got pregnant?

*Interviewer nods*

Kurt: Well, I was the father. I still feel really bad because I wasn't really there for her when she was pregnant and then when she had the miscarriage . . . *Trails off and looks down*

Interviewer: Okay, we can move on. The next question is a little weird. Have you ever killed anyone?

Derek: Do we . . . look like murderers?

Interviewer: I don't come up with the questions. I just ask them.

*The guys look at each other*

Interviewer: Anyway. Are you guys in love with anyone?

Maurice: It's . . .

Derek: Complicated.

Finn: We do find the right people at the end of the book though.

Kurt: Yeah "love" is a strong word. We've all dated a few girls.

*The guys all nod*

Finn: Kurt is in love with Charisma though. Even though she punched him . . .

Kurt: You didn't need to tell her that!

Maurice: We all know it's true.

Derek: It's kind of obvious.

Kurt: Anyway! We do all find love at the end of the book. Next question.

Interviewer: Okay. Do you guys have any jobs?

Maurice: Not really.

Derek: We do odd jobs where we can.

Interviewer: Do you guys have favorite seasons?

Finn: Fall and spring because I can play football.

Maurice, Kurt, and Derek: Summer.

Finn: You guys are so original.

Interviewer: *Laughs* The girls have already told me about how you are best friends with them. Do you have guy best friends too?

Finn: *Puts his arm around Kurt* This guy!

Derek: *Puts his arm around Maurice* Well my best friend is from Nigeria!

Kurt: *Laughs* We're all really close though.

Maurice: *Nods* No rivalries here.

Interviewer: That's great! So what do you guys like to do for fun?

Derek: Well Finn likes football.

Maurice: Duh.

Kurt: Maurice likes to cook!

Maurice: Derek is our songbird.

Finn: And Kurt likes to play dress up!

Kurt: Shut up! Just because I like to look good and I have an uncle who's a world famous fashion designer does not mean I play dress up!

Finn: *Laughs* I'm just kidding.

Derek: Kurt sings too. And does some acting.

Maurice: Which he's freaking good at!

Kurt: *Sarcastically* Awe shucks.

Interviewer: So what are you guys doing after the interview?

Maurice: *Gasps* Finn I think she just asked you out!

Derek: Get in line.

Finn: Knock it off, guys!

Kurt: Oh come on, Finn. You know every girl in school is totally taken with you.

Derek: You shouldn't be talking, Kurt!

Maurice: Okay, she gets it. We're all very attractive, talented, people who are busy this afternoon. *Turns to Interviewer* Maybe next time.

Interviewer: *Blushes* Moving on . . . What's your eye color?

Finn and Maurice: Brown.

Derek: Hazel.

Kurt: Blueish-green.

Interviewer: So . . . are you good or bad?

Derek: Good . . .

Finn: Why . . . ?

Interviewer: Like I said, I don't write the questions. What's your greatest fear?

Maurice: I got this. Derek's afraid of shoe shopping, Finn's afraid of scented candles, Kurt's afraid of being eaten alive by a shark.

Derek: And Maurice is afraid of the sun exploding.

Kurt: Not just being eaten by a shark. It's the pain of being eaten that I'm afraid of.

Finn: How did you come up with scented candles?

Maurice: Because they take away from your masculinity!

Finn: Oh, okay.

Interviewer: *Laughs* You guys are hilarious together!

Derek: We know.

Interviewer: So, parents! What's up with them?

Finn: My parents are really cool actually.

Derek: Mine are lame! Okay not really. They're alright.

Maurice: I love my parents, but they can be a bit . . . over protective. That's why I was so glad when I found out I could come to America for school.

Kurt: Well, mine are actually divorced. I live with my dad and see my mom on occasion. It's not as hard on me as you think it would be though.

Interviewer: What about siblings?

Finn: Me and Derek have sisters but Kurt and Maurice are both only children.

Derek: Yeah, having a sister is eventful. It's cool I guess, but it can be a pain.

Interviewer: Understandable. Was it fun answering these questions?

Kurt: Are we done?

Interviewer: Not quite.

Maurice: Yes it was fun. I got an excuse to hang out with my buds.

Derek: Awe!

Finn: Group hug!

*The guys all hug each other*

Interviewer: *Shakes her head* Do you guys have any weaknesses?

Kurt, Derek, and Maurice: Girls.

Finn: Real original, guys.

Interviewer: What's your favorite element? Fire, water, earth, or wind?

Derek: Fire is cool.

Maurice: Water is too.

Finn: I don't really have a preference.

Kurt: Earth. Because I live there.

Maurice: That leaves you with wind, Finn.

Finn: Okay, wind is cool. It's fast and stuff . . .

Interviewer: All right then. Almost done. Do you guys care what others think of you?

*The guys all look at each other*

Kurt: I think we all do, to an extent. Everyone does, though some try to deny it. We don't let people get to us though. We're pretty confident with who we are.

Derek: Don't get too deep, Kurt . . .

Kurt: Shut up.

Interviewer: Okay last question: Do you guys have theme songs?

*The guys look at each other again*

Maurice: We haven't really thought about that.

Finn: I think Kurt's is "Fly With Me." The Tyler Ward version.

Derek: And Maurice's is "Run and Tell That" from Hairspray!

Maurice: Derek's has to be "We Are the Champions" by Queen.

Kurt: And Finn's is "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain.

Finn: Why that?

Kurt: Because you're the one who's always there when we need you.

Interviewer: All great songs! Well looks like we're out of time! Thanks for joining us!

Derek: No problem!

Finn: *Leans over to Kurt and whispers* Us?

Interviewer: We'll be back tomorrow with more great stuff. Thanks for tuning into Who Needs Coffee? I'm Whinny Hightower, bye-bye!

Again I tag ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PARTICIPATE!!! Thanks y'all :)

An Interview {{For the Ladies}}

2011-07-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

So, when I saw this tag over at Perfectly Sensible Nonsense I kind of freaked out. This tag is an interview with your characters!!! Eeep!

The rules are as such:

1) Choose three of your characters

2) Make your characters answer these questions

3) Tag three other people

Technically, I'm breaking rule two because I'm interviewing four girls in this interview and four guys in the next (the eight main characters from The Popular Series). So. Let the interview begin!

Interviewer: Good morning! And thank you for tuning into Who Needs Coffee? I'm Whinny Hightower, your host. Today, I'm interviewing four high school girls from Westminster, Colorado! Allow me to introduce them.

Charisma Starr Rowland is originally from Paris, France. Her passions include singing, acting, dancing, and being in the spotlight.

<--- This is how she looks. But with black hair. Use your imagination.

Lola Mirage Luweo is the head cheerleader at Westminster High School. She's been cheering all her life and loves it more than anything.

I'm still iffy about a look for Lola. She looks something like this --->

Carmen Leigh Ferrari is the soccer jock of the group. She's been playing varsity soccer since she was a freshman and is very proud of that.

<--- Her look is something like this.

And finally is Whitney Anne Woodman, the quiet and reserved artist. She is very passionate about her craft and plans on pursuing it as a career.

She looks like this sort of --->

*All four girls file out and sit on the couch to the sound of the audience's applause.*

Interviewer: Hi, girls! Thank you so much for joining us!

Charisma: My pleasure!

Lola: No problem!

Carmen: Thank you for having us!

Whitney: Us?

Interviewer: *annoyingly happy* This will be a fun interview!

*The girls smile and look at each other*

Interviewer: All right, for my first question . . . do you have any kids?

*The girls fall silent and look down*

Carmen: I don't.

Whitney: Me neither.

Lola: Unlike some people.

*The girls look at Charisma who sighs*

Charisma: I don't have any kids either . . . I was supposed to though.

Interviewer: *After an awkward pause* Care to give us some details?

Charisma: *Sighs again* I got pregnant at the beginning of sophomore year. Four months later though I had a miscarriage . . .

Interviewer: *Loosing her peppiness* Oh . . . I'm sorry.

Charisma: It's fine . . . next question.

Interviewer: Okay. Have you ever killed anyone?

*All the girls gasp*

Whitney: Never!

Carmen: I haven't . . . Charisma and Lola have come close though.

Interviewer: *Cocks her head in curiosity*

*Lola and Charisma look at each other*

Lola: We've gotten into a few . . . spirited debates . . . which got physical. I've only done it once though!

Charisma: I've been in a few fights, I admit. I've only ever punched someone once though!

Carmen: I'm sure he appriciates that.

Interviewer: We'll go over that story when we interview the boys.

Whitney: We?

Interviewer: Next question! Are you girls in love with anyone?

*All girls giggle nervously*

Whitney: Not really . . .

Charisma: On and off . . .

Lola: Only a little bit.

Carmen: *Laughs* We have very complicated relationship status's in the series. Our Author likes drama.

Interviewer: I see. So . . . there's no boy in particular?

Whitney: Well there are four actually . . . who you're interviewing next.

Charisma: But I think at some time we all have been in love with Finn.

*Charisma, Whitney, and Lola sigh dreamily*

Carmen: Except for me 'cause Finn's my brother.

Interviewer: Okay then. Do you guys have any jobs yet?

Lola: No.

Whitney: Not yet.

Charisma: I'm living off my parents' money.

*All other girls glare at Charisma with envy*

Interviewer: Moving on. What are your favorite seasons?

Carmen: Spring. Soccer season.

Whitney: I like how pretty Colorado gets in the winter.

Lola: Summer, because I don't have to worry about school stuff.

Charisma: I don't really have a preference. Fall is nice though, because of the new school year.

Interviewer: Interesting. You all consider yourselves best friends right?

*The girls nod*

Interviewer: Are there any two of you who are closer than the rest?

*The girls look at each other*

Carmen: That's also complicated.

Lola: The friendships change a lot through the book.

Whitney: We have the guys, though. I've been best friends with Kurt since preschool.

Charisma: Oh yeah, Finn and I consider each other best friends.

Carmen: Mine is Maurice.

Lola: And I'm best friends with my brother, Derek.

Interviewer: We kind of went over this in the beginning, but what are your hobbies?

Whitney: Art.

Lola: Cheer!!!

Carmen: Soccerrrrr.

Charisma: Singing, dancing, acting, I could go on, but I won't.

Interviewer: That's cool. What are you girls doing after the interview.

*The girls look at each other*

Charisma: We'll probably wait around for the guys and then go to Tiffany's.

Interviewer: Tiffany's?

Whitney: It's a fifties-style diner place where we like to hang out.

Interviewer: Sounds like fun! Simple question, what is your eye color?

Lola: Hazel.

Carmen: *Rolls her eyes* Brown.

Whitney: Blue.

Charisma: Green.

Interviewer: Are you good or bad.

Whitney: We're good . . .

Carmen: For the most part . . .

Charisma: We have a few "bad" moments though.

Lola: Just a few.

Interviewer: Any fears?

*The girls look at each other again*

Carmen: Nothing major . . . I don't think.

Charisma: Loosing someone I love again . . . *Thinks about the baby*

Whitney: Snakes.

Lola: Broken bones.

Interviewer: So . . . parents! What's up with them?

Whitney: I love my parents.

Lola: They're pretty cool, I guess.

Carmen: My parents raised me and Finn as Christians. They're pretty awesome.

Charisma: I think I'm the only one who has an iffy parental situation.

Interviewer: How so?

Charisma: Well, they're super rich business people who travel all the time. They give me everything I need but they never really raised me. Martin - my butler - did. And they don't really understand me either. They kicked me out when I got pregnant because I wouldn't have an abortion.

Whitney: *Reaches over and rubs Charisma's arm*

Charisma: Whit took me in then. *Smiles*

Interviewer: *Changing the subject* What about siblings?

Carmen: Well I have Finn. He's a cool older brother.

Whitney: Nope. Only child. It's okay, I guess.

Lola: Derek's my fraternal twin!

Charisma: And Maurice is kind of like a brother. He's the foreign exchange student who moved in with my family during junior year.

Interviewer: *Peppy again* Well have you enjoyed this interview?

Charisma: Sure.

Carmen and Whitney: *Shrug*

Lola: Why not?

Interviewer: Well we're not technically done yet. Almost though! Do you girls have any weaknesses?

Lola: *Raises her hand* I'm a gossip! But I'm working on it.

Whitney: I'm kind of over-emotional.

Carmen: I have an arrogance issue.

Charisma: And I just love myself too much. That, and I tend to seek physical revenge . . .

Interviewer: Random time! What is your favorite element? You know, fire, water, wind, earth.

Whitney: I think water.

Carmen: Earth is cool.

Lola: Uhm, wind.

Charisma: And I have to go with fire.

Interviewer: Wow you girls really are different. Okay this is a big one, do you care what others think of you?

Charisma: *Without hesitation* Not a bit.

Lola: Yes, but not as much as I used to.

Carmen: Not really.

Whitney: Probably more than I should.

Interviewer: All right, just for fun, do you girls have theme songs?

*The girls exchange glances*

Carmen: We actually have them with us!

Interviewer: Let's give them a listen then, shall we?

Charisma: Mine is "Brave" by Idina Menzel. It kind of represents everything I've been through.

Lola: I like the cover of "Firework" by Tyler Ward because I've had a few confidence issues.

Carmen: I think mine is "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts 'cause it's all about living the adventure.

Whitney: Mine is probably "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. It's kind of how I feel sometimes . . .

Charisma: And of course the theme song for the whole series is "Popular" from the musical Wicked.

Interviewer: That's awesome! Thanks again for joining us!

Carmen: Not a problem!

Lola: It's been fun.

Charisma: Thanks for the interview!

Whitney: Us?

Interviewer: Don't go anywhere! We'll be right back after this commercial break to interview the boys from the Popular Series!

Whitney: We?

Well that was fun. I hereby tag ANYONE AT ALL WHO WANTS TO PARTICIPATE!!! The boys' interview will be here soon :)